CEO: Rachel (Mommy)
CFO: David (Daddy)
Jr. Associate: Evan
Support Staff: Flanders
Security Officer: Bascom
CEO: As you all know we have had some significant changes since our last staff meeting. I thought it would be good to get the team together and celebrate our successes and discuss some of the challenges that lie ahead.
First, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the loss of our colleague Wiggum. Wiggum was a dedicated member of Kargas Inc for 13 years. His passing is a loss that we will feel in the years to come. To commemorate his loss, we are naming the executive office the "Wiggum Room" and a memorial will be erected in his honor. (Think framed 8x10 photograph).
On a happier note we have had some additional staff changes. As you have probably noted, Evan was promoted from Intern to Junior Associate. The event as you will recall was marked on June 12 with a giant staff, family & friends celebration. Evan has demonstrated enormous progress in the past several months, although to be sure he still has areas that would benefit from continued development. (Can someone please teach this kid that not every color is red?) Ah... did I say that out loud? Ahem, well let us all once again congratulate Evan on his promotion.
Additionally we have welcomed a new Intern, Wynkoop (pictured above). Wynkoop was selected from a pool of ten promising candidates. He went through a grueling interview process and ultimately was selected because he was the cutest. I hope you will all join me in making Wynkoop feel at home here at Kargas Inc.
I am happy to announce that we have secured new investors in the past several months, which is why I have been absent quiet often during the work week. I am required to meet with them regularly and provide my consulting services. Everyone appears to be adjusting well to my assistant and right hand woman (our nanny) who has taken over some of my day to day duties.
Things have been running fairly smoothly, but as an organization I do have some concerns. First and foremost I continue to be disturbed by the amount of foul potty language that is heard in these offices. This is not professional behavior, and I am hereby demanding that it is stopped. Finally we have made little progress in reducing our spending with our vendor Huggies. I need the staff to put forth significant effort in eliminating our reliance on such products.
Finally I would like to open up the discussion for individual updates, questions or comments.
Evan: I saw fiyah station!
Evan: I saw fiyah station!! I spida man.
CEO: Right. Anyone else?
CFO: We need to find places to cut spending.
CEO: I talked about that already. It's all about the diapers.
CFO: There must be other ways.
CEO: Moving on, are there any other comments?
CEO: Meeting adjourned.....