Tuesday, August 28, 2012

People I Want To Punch In The Face: Celebs

Okay, so enough with the sap. Let's get busy being bitter and angry.

Welcome to the celebrity edition of "People I Want To Punch In The Face"

I was going to start of with Todd Akin, but that is just too damn obvious, he isn't actually a celebrity, and I am sure millions of people have blogged more articulately about the Congressman who missed 6th grade health class, so I'll move on.

Paris Hilton: I know, Paris Hilton is so 2005. You don't see much about the blond heiress anymore, other than an occasional picture in US Weekly. But I have to include her on this list. Why? Because years and years ago my husband asked me to declare a nemesis. He had named Dave Thomas (of Wendy's) as his, for some unknown reason. Now that Mr. Thomas has passed away, I thought my man had the option of selecting a new nemesis, so he added Phil Collins to the list. Don't ask.  I didn't have to think very hard about mine, I informed my husband that my nemesis was Paris Hilton. At the time, Paris was all over the media, doing her show with Nicole Richie and carrying around a pint-sized dog accessory to match her designer outfits. I'm not sure why I dislike that woman so much. Perhaps it is that smirk on her face. She just oozes "Mean Girl." I bet she picked on girls like me her whole life. Paris is one of those women who are famous simply for being famous (think Kim Kardashian.) Paris has no real talent, she isn't even particularly attractive. What Paris has is money. What Paris has is connections. What Paris has is her skinny body and bleach blond hair. She makes my skin crawl. Seriously.

Rachel Zoe: Yes, I have watched her show. I don't know why. She bugs the hell out of me, especially once she got knocked up. The whole season she was pregnant all we heard about was how hard she was working, how she just kept going and going and going, and how she needed to slow down. Oh poor, poor millionaire Rachel. She had to have a photo shoot, she had to decide on THREE dresses for XYZ celebrity's red carpet moment. Cry. Me. A. River. Now that she has her little boy, Skyler, he makes a nice fashion accessory. That kid's wardrobe probably costs more than I'm capable of earning in a decade. He wears a fedora! He wears a white pinstriped suit! Really? Because my baby refuses a hat. My baby would destroy a white suit in three seconds flat.  Ms. Zoe's house is all white too, by the way. Like a blank slate for blueberry stains and mashed crayons. Give me a break. Rachel, your kid isn't having any fun if he is that clean all the time.

Gordon Ramsay: Does anybody really believe this guy is for real? Was there ever a show more boring than "Hell's Kitchen?" It's a bunch of uneducated line cooks competing for a spot in one of his restaurants. They are a bunch of idiots and Gordon thinks that he is entertaining his viewers by screaming and yelling at them Actually Ramsay, you are just putting me to sleep. I hear now he is on to hotels. That is one show I will not watch. 

That's all I have time for today. Hope you enjoyed my rant.


  1. I'm so out of the loop. I don't even know who Rachel Zoe is. And I'm really confused about this Snooki person.

  2. LOL! I like that you and your husband declare nemeses. Also, I hate anyone that carries around a foo-foo dog.

  3. Yes, yes, totally enjoy a rant. I would sub in Kim Kardashian for Paris however. Sorry, but I think Paris had a hint of irony going on. Kim - nothing. As for Rachel Zoe - she fascinates me - how does someone that thin stay fertile.....? one of life's great mysteries...

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