Wednesday, December 31, 2014

People I Want To Punch In The Face: Winter

Welcome to my latest "People I Want To Punch In The Face" post.  This week's target? That son-of-a-bitch Winter.  But since winter is not a person, I came up with the following list of humans I want to punch in the face due to this brutal winter.

1) Anyone, and I mean anyone who utters the following words: "Your from Wisconsin. You should be used to sub zero temperatures."  Really? I should get used to snot freezing on the inside of my nose? I should get used to my fingers and toes feeling as if they are being stabbed relentlessly with pins and needles? Let me ask you this, do you think anyone could get used to having a fork poked in their eye repeatedly? No? Then No. No. I am not "used" to freezing my tush off.

2) People who insist on keeping their house below 67 degrees. That is great that you are saving energy! I understand you run "hot." But my lips are turning blue and I want to leave.

3) My children who bitch and moan about wearing proper winter attire. The sweaters are too itchy, the socks are too tight, the gloves always fall off and yes, yes, I understand that you think shorts are so much more comfortable than jeans. But it's negative eleven out there and social services is going to have my ass picked up if I let you outside in flip flops and a t-shirt, and mommy is too pretty for jail!

4) Anyone who says that the cold temperatures are "refreshing" or "not that bad." Okay refreshing is a glass of lemonade on a hot summers day, refreshing is not losing feeling in your fingers and toes.  As for not that bad?  Maybe it's not as bad as being mauled by a rabid grizzly bear, but it's pretty freaking bad.

And finally.....

5) People who seem to be "above" shoveling their sidewalks. Perhaps they think the shoveling fairy is going to come out and do it for them. Perhaps they assume people prefer walking over snow and ice when passing by their home. Or maybe they believe that slipping and falling and breaking a tailbone is no big deal and that everyone should quit whining.  Or MAYBE just MAYBE, they are lazy bastards who more than likely keep their house at 64 degrees and don't even deserve a sidewalk!
Shoveled, Shoveled, Lazy Bastard! 

Monday, December 29, 2014

Holidays By The Numbers

We survived The Holidays.

Okay. Perhaps that is a tad bit premature since we have not yet reached the New Year, but Hanukkah and Christmas are behind us. The money has been spent, limited crafting and almost zero baking has been done, the tree was put up and taken down and we are all still summarize I give you the Kargas Family's Holidays by the numbers:

24 Hanukkah gifts for 3 kids
Only 1 ornament broken in the annual "mom-I didn't mean to do it" tradition
7 cousins 9 and under gathered on Christmas Eve
1 Christmas meltdown by an overtired 6 year old.
 6 bottles of wine consumed over 2 days.
Zero latkes made, Zero latkes consumed
22 times reading How The Grinch Stole Christmas
1 time reading Curious George Celebrates Hanukkah
20 Million times I have sung  the two lines I actually know of Wham's "Last Christmas" over and over again in my head.
1 gift broken before it was even opened by a whimpering 3 year old
6 hours spent wrapping gifts
11 minutes spent unwrapping gifts
3 hours spent cleaning up after unwrapping gifts
1 trip made to the somewhat creepy "North Pole" in Colorado Springs.
45 minutes standing in line at the "North Pole" for a hot dog and a cup of instant hot apple cider
Zero returns or
exchanges made!

Zero visits to see a bored questionable old man sweating in a hot red suit and a phony beard at the mall.
1 container of the obligatory eggnog consumed
3 Pajama-Jamma-Jammy Parties ( 9 and under only!) 
1 adults-only holiday party 
2 hangovers the next day
1 (my first ever!) Kate Spade handbag received on Christmas morning.
1 viewing of The Nutcracker with all of my boys
1 3 year old pooping his pants in the middle of that Nutcracker performance
2 Parents who forgot a change of clothes for the 3 year old at that Nutcracker performance
1 half naked kid carried back to the car in the snow by 2 sheepish parents after that Nutcracker performance.
1 giant vat of Christmas Glug prepared
153 photographs taken.
Not 1 picture captured where all children were actually looking at the camera at the same time
6 Lego sets
8 books
3 chemistry sets
3 sleds
1 Mario Kart Wii game
1 500 piece jigsaw puzzle
3 packages of colored pencils
1 Nerf Gun
1 Basketball Hoop
3 Kids whining "there is nothing to do!"
1 Mama happy to say a fond "Adios" to Christmas/Hanukkah 2014
1 Family of 5 feeling lucky and blessed as we welcome 2015!


Sunday, December 28, 2014

Hello Again

Hello old friend. I have returned, brushing off the metaphorical dust of your homepage, checking back in via a keyboard and peering  through shuttered windows to catch a glimpse of a place that was once full of light and creativity. 

I have abandoned you old friend. My enthusiasm for you has waned. I have lost my inspiration and it saddens me. I once took pride in calling myself a "blogger" and had dreams of making something of this online diary. I used to turn around ideas in my head as I lay sleepless at 2am, now I reach for my phone and stare blankly at the big stories listed on Yahoo "News."

I want to return to you dear blog. I want to tap back into my enthusiasm and creativity, but I worry that as I stare at the blank screen nothing will come to me, or that all my thoughts will be dull and dreary.

But I have yet to fully leave you. I have not written the self-reflective goodbye piece or removed "blogger" from my Twitter profile. So old friend. What I am trying to say is maybe. Just maybe we can try again. See if we still hit it off. 

What do you say?
Are you ready to give me another shot? 

With Limited Hope,