Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
My kid is a freaking genius. At least that is the conclusion I have come to after attending Zachary's kindergarten "orientation" last night. I am putting orientation in quotation marks because the whole thing seemed like a joke. I left this evening meeting truly concerned about the quality of the school and wondering if next year will be an academic waste of time for my kid.
The entire 1.5 hour meeting can be summarized as such
- Before entering kindergarten your child should have the following skills:
Count to ten.
Identify basic shapes (circle, square, triangle)
Know their parent's first names.
Have the ability to dress themselves
Use a glue stick
Listen to a story
Identify body parts.
Is it just me or does this sound like a list of requirements for the exceptionally slow preschooler? I jokingly asked Zack if he could count to 10, he responded with "Mom, I can count to over 100!" He must be a genius. What other explanation is there?
- School starts at the end of August. Teacher assignments will not be announced until the first day of school. There is no orientation for the kids. You are to drop your child off that morning and quickly say goodbye on the playground. Do not come in to the classroom, that makes kids cry.
- The school has no money. Parents need to donate money. A lot of money. They accept checks. We should write one. Now. Tshirts are also for sale.
I bought the T-Shirt. This is the sad state of our public schools. Depressing.
- The classroom may be as large as 30 children. In order to customize learning to each child's needs there is a 30 minute block of time every day where the kids can select an activity appropriate to their learning level.
Wow, a whole 30 minutes! I am sure my son will select his activity carefully. He will probably choose to read a chapter book in the corner quietly. Or wait Tommy is demonstrating how to shove a pencil up his nose. Maybe he will try that instead. It's okay, there is nobody around to stop them.So that was about it. My kid's school is suppose to be one of the better Oakland public schools. I am starting to understand why so many people go broke paying for private school.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
We are both writing to formally request a promotion. Any day now we will be welcoming a new junior staff member, and with his arrival will come increased responsibility. We know that we will be asked to provide mentorship and training to our new employee. In addition we are certain that we will be expected to act more autonomously. We welcome this challenge. However we feel that we should be rewarded with a promotion and increased decision making authority.
We would like to take more ownership in the budgeting process. We have some ingenious ideas. Kargas Inc. spends top dollar on vegetables and fruits. Have you noticed how inexpensive Cheetos and Ding-Dongs are? Switching our spending habits to include more cost effective products such of these could save us significantly.
Additionally we would like to have more input into the organization's policies. We have a good foundation of guiding principles, however we believe there is some room for adjustment. For example the "no name calling" policy seems outdated. These days it is common place to call one's peer a "butt head" or an "idiot face." We don't find this to be offensive, and believe that Kargas Inc might be out of touch with today's generation.
Finally as we continue to take on higher levels of responsibility we think it is necessary to hire more support staff. We need assistance with entry level work such as cleaning up toys or picking up our dirty clothes. Although we are more than happy to extend our work day to 9 or 10pm, we still need someone else to take over these menial tasks.
We hope that you will take our requests under serious consideration. Your failure to do so might result in a company wide strike.
Zachary P. Kargas
Evan A. Kargas
Monday, May 16, 2011
Today was my final day in the city until I return from maternity leave. Of course I had to make the standard trip to Noah's Bagels to get my fix. Sesame bagel with cream cheese and a large decaf coffee. Yum. I prepared my coffee as I waited for my order to be called. I heard my name and walked to the counter to retrieve my breakfast. I was handed my bagel by a friendly woman with an apron tied tightly across her swollen belly. She looked to be about eight or nine months along, just like me.
I felt suddenly sheepish as I tucked my bagel into my ergonomically designed backpack and left the restaurant. I had been feeling sorry for myself, having forgotten my umbrella and needing to walk a half mile to the office in a cold drizzle. I started to think about how my server's day must have started out. The morning shift. She probably had to start work at 6am, meaning getting her tired aching body out of bed at an ungodly hour. Likely she had some sort of bus/train/walk commute, only to arrive at Noah's where she would spend an eight hour shift on her feet, preparing other people's food.
So what do I have to complain about?
Exactly. Shame on me.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Things that I don't care about
Pippa. So she is Kate Middleton's sister. She's pretty. She looked hot in her white dress at the royal wedding. This is why she is gracing the covers of all of celebrity magazines? I don't get it. I don't want to.
My three year is generally dressed in some form of pajamas or completely nude. Forget about the closet full of hand knit sweaters and Gymboree, he ain't going for it, and I don't have the energy to fight about it. Moving on.
My house will never look like a home out of Good Housekeeping. Okay, I sort of care about this, but I am trying really hard not too. Our home is in a perpetual state of disaster, and adding a new baby is not going to improve the situation. Time to let it go.
I'll never be a famous blogger, an SVP, an athlete or an award-winning anything. So be it.
Diet soda is bad for me. Maybe it will contribute to my demise, but it's still healthier than crack.
I can't cook particularly well. I'd rather know how to pick out a good bottle of wine than how to prepare a roast. That's just me.
I don't own matching under-garments. Nice idea, but so unpractical.
That I don't really know what gluten is.
My family drinks 2% milk. Fat shmat, skim is for the birds.
I'm sitting here looking totally ghetto, with my pants falling down, my shirt riding up and my belly hanging out. Hot!!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I am writing this on Mother's Day, May 8 2011 with the intent of sending this to you on an annual basis just before this very holiday each year. The purpose? To remind you why you owe me. To play the guilt card and gently suggest that you do something nice for the woman who gave you life.
This weekend was suppose to be a fun filled, family mini vacation in Monterey. I had high hopes for our little get away. I planned activities I thought we all would enjoy. A visit to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. An evening in a hotel with a pool. Ice cream in a tourist city. It should have been grand.
But you boys were ROTTEN. Down right bad. Clearly you failed to read the instructions I laid out clearly for you in my last post. I provided you with five easy steps to ensure we all had a happy Mother's Day. You failed to follow most of them . Although I got a spa gift card from your father, and some handmade gems from you, you misjudged the importance of my other requests. What about the card with the long list of why I am an amazing mother? I had a girlfriend post a quotation from her own five year old's card. Her child said something like "Mommy I love you so much because you are so nice, and take me on play dates and make me good food and give the best hugs." I got a note with one word. Pirate.
I also kindly asked you to refrain from fighting, whining and crying, yet that's exactly how you both spent most of the weekend.The aquarium was a total bust. We should have known better than to visit on a Saturday. The entire attraction was packed with families, making it difficult to see the exhibits and keep track of two spastic boys running in different directions, yelling something about hating their brother. Meals at even the most family friendly restaurants were pure torture. Whining about entree selection, throwing waded up napkins at fellow diners, and screaming "I hate you mommy" before the meals even arrived. Not fun.
Boys, you also got the timing wrong. I requested that our day of family fun begin no earlier than 9am, yet you selected 6am. 6am! Isn't mommy suppose to get some extra sleep on her special day? Didn't I read something about breakfast in bed somewhere? We were in a hotel, but it seems like perhaps you could have mustered up extra effort to pamper mommy on this very important day. Nope. Up and at them. You boys were hungry so we opted for the bland hotel continental breakfast with bad coffee.
And now, rather than attempt another disastrous family meal, I am hiding in my office while the two of you eat a dinner of frozen pizza while your dad pulls his hair out. I am sitting up here feeling fairly angry that we wasted the money on this terrible weekend, and wondering what I have done wrong. Why wasn't this weekend wonderful? Why didn't you love hanging out by the ocean? Why didn't I get hugs and kisses? Why do you keep telling me that you hate me?
Next year no expectations.
Happy Mother's Day indeed.
So my dearest boys, by the time you read this you will be older. Old enough to know how to honor your mother in a special way. Diamonds will do.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
- Yes, mommy loves those macaroni noodle necklaces, and Mother's Day would not be the same with without your handmade treasures. But here is the thing, mommy likes all kinds of presents. Jewelery. Massages. Flowers. An uninterrupted three hour nap. Any of those things would make mama very happy.
- Do us all a favor, please skip the big meal cooked up in our kitchen. That breakfast or dinner that you prepare especially for mom. The one where every pot, pan and utensil gets pulled out, used and left in the sink awaiting cleanup by *someone*. There is no shame in take out.
- Don't forget to write a heartfelt card explaining just why I am the very best mommy and wife in the whole wide freaking world. It can be a very long note. It can include a gift card. For a massage. See tip #1.
- On the occasion of Mother's Day there is a no crying/whining/temper tantrum rule that must be strictly adhered to. Should this rule be broken, mommy will simply leave the room until the situation is resolved by *someone* else. Mama is off referee duty for the day.
- We will spend quality family time together, but only between the hours of 9am and 8pm, and with the exception of mommy's three hour nap. (Again see tip #1)
All you have to do to ensure a successful Mother's Day is follow those five easy steps. Remember Father's Day, and birthday season is just around the corner. Best to keep mama happy.