Friday, May 4, 2012

People I Want To Punch In The Face: Middle of the night rant

It's been a tough week, and thus, the snark is back full force, sponsoring another addition of People I Want to Punch In The Face.

1) The half a dozen or so parents who, upon hearing that I will be leaving my entire family for a two night girls trip to Las Vegas, have looked at me with dismay and uttered some variation of the following: "I could never do that! I would miss my kids too much!" WTF? I don't know if there is some sort of mama-love chip missing in me, but short of the fact that I am going to be forced to spend precious vacation time with my breast pump, I don't think I will wish my children were with me for a single second. The last time that I woke up in the morning and didn't have to attend to the needs, tears and tantrums of someone else has been over a year. I highly doubt that when I'm sitting with my friend drinking a latte by the pool that  I will be wishing I was refereeing the daily breakfast table battle between my boys.

2) People who think that a path/sidewalk was made for them alone and meander slowly four across, oblivious to the world around them. Inevitably this forces  runners or anyone walking at a reasonable pace to go off the path, usually around a garbage can and over a gigantic mud puddle to get past them. Hello? How many times does this happen in your walk around the lake before you realize you are a nuisance? Seriously. Get the hell out of the way.

3) Cheez-It's. Yes I realize that a snack doesn't have a face to punch, however someone somewhere is responsible for this irresistible guilty pleasure. I don't know why I like them so much. Honestly, there just not that great right? Right? Certainly not worth their calorie count, totally devoid of any nutritional value, and yet, I am addicted.  Every week I contemplate not buying another box, but inevitably one or two always seem to make it into my grocery cart. I tell myself that they are for the kids, but I think I polish off most of the package myself. Today I nearly lost it with my son's play date who insisted on finishing off "our" Cheez-It's. I tried to convince him to eat an apple or a banana, but he refused and actually requested to take home a Ziplock bag full of MY CHEEZ-IT'S to his brother. Now we are fresh out. I'll be forced to eat something healthy. Stupid kid. (No, this post is not sponsored by Kellogg's, I swear to God)

Okay it's 1:30am. Rant is over. Good night.


  1. Ha ha. I feel you about the sidewalk thing and I would kill for a weekend without my kids. Sure, I would miss them, but not enough to not go!
    I however, do not have a cheez-it's addiction, but find myself polishing off the super size bags of goldfish from Costco quite regularly. So know that you are not alone!

  2. 1. Yes, please, punch those parents in the face. If the police asks, I paid you to do it.

    2. I KNOW!

    3. Cheez-its are irresistable. If I'm at a vending machine, I will ALWAYS choose their cheesey, crunchy, salty, melt-in-your-mouth goodness. They have a hold on me, too.

  3. There is nothing like a freshly opened bag of cheez-its - nothing. I will purposely give the kids stale cheez-its so I can open a new box. And I don't share. And those people who say they would miss their kids for a 2 day vacation are either lying or insane. Totally with you!

  4. Oh my gosh -- I wholeheartedly agree with every bit of this post. 1. EVERY mom wants a break from their kids and if they say not they are lying. 2. I am that really impatient runner that yells, "ON YOUR LEFT" way ahead of time and barely wait until they slowly shuffle to the side to whiz the jogging stroller past them, usually halfway on the grass because the meanderers were so dang slow. 3. Cheezits are amazing. Plus, they are baked, not fried...can we use that excuse?

  5. Love this! I am hooked on White Cheddar Cheezits! LOVE THEM!
    And I agree with vaca's...I'm a better mom when I have some time away!