|My mom, sister and I (on the right)|
I had few real friends in high school and most were not in my class. I had terrible self esteem and desperately wanted to fit in, but never did. Not with the cool kids, not with the "bad" kids and not with the theater kids. I really was on my own. I have no idea why. I had a few boyfriends, but mostly pined away for an uninterested boy (you know who you are) and was riddled with angst. I strove for perfection, studying my ass off and starving myself to a pathetic 87 lbs. I was a hot mess.
But high school didn't last forever, and lucky for me, I changed.
I did make it back for my ten year reunion, which was sparsely attended. At my ten year I was out to prove something. While I went largely ignored during my four years at Madison West, I was now worth admiration. I was happy, well adjusted, had a decent job, a charming husband and was feeling better about my physical appearance then ever. I flat ironed my hair, put on a mini skirt and dragged my handsome man to the party. Nobody was impressed. Nobody cared. I saw a few old friends which was nice, but really I left feeling unfulfilled, let down. What had I expected? Did I want that evening to somehow make up for four lousy years?
We have all grown up. I have no doubt that I would have chatted with some very nice people at the reunion however, I simply didn't see the point in going back to reconnect with people I was never really connected with in the first place. I have decided to experience the twenty year extravaganza as I did my whole high school experience, watching from a far, a quiet observer.