Friday, May 25, 2012

Not ready for the birds & the bees

I found Evan on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by 30 or 40 tampons, most of them unwrapped, lying naked, shiny, white and sleek on my carpet.
"What are you doing?" I demanded.
"Unwrapping presents" Evan responded.
"Those are not toys! You are not to play with those. These are mommy's. " I said, exasperated as I started to rescue the few wrapped tampons, stuffing them back into the box. Then came the dreaded question.

"What are they?"
I struggled for the right words, then simply answered "tampons" as Zachary entered  the room and the conversation.
"What are tampons?" Zachary chimed in.
"They are for mommies" I responded, taking the conversation no place.

I was not ready to address the question, for how could I talk about tampons without a) scaring my kids and b) opening the door for more questions that I have no idea how to answer appropriately? My boys are not quite 4 and 7, aren't they too young to learn about the birds and the bees? How else can I explain about tampons without going there? I didn't know, so I deployed one of the greatest mommy tactics of all time. Distraction.

"Tampons are for mommies and you are too young to understand right now. When you are older I will explain. Now who want's ice cream?"

 The boys responded as I had hoped, they abandoned the mess of open feminine protection products and ran to the kitchen for a treat. Crisis averted. But for how long? Some of Zachary's school friends have already started talking about kissing girls and I even heard one utter the word boobs in my presence. It is only a matter of time before my innocent boy starts hearing and wondering about all kinds of things. But for now, I'm putting it off just a little bit longer, and finding a better spot for my "supplies."

What would you have done?


  1. I think we had the first actual period talk when my kids were 9, 6, and 3. The only one who really got it was the 9 year old. But other family issues have spurred discussions about the birds and the bees earlier than I was ready for...but are you ever really ready to have those discussions?

  2. Yikes... I didn't even know what a tampon was until 8th grade! Thankfully, when boys are old enough to understand, they'll be too grossed out to ask any more questions. :)

  3. I can't help but picture that video on AFV of boys playing with tampons in the backyard and the mom asking what they were doing and they responded they found some cool rockets or something like that. It was hysterical! I think yours "unwrapping presents" is hysterical too. Did you catch it on video? Anyway, I think 4 and 7 yr olds don't really want to know the deal with what they are for etc. and distraction with ice cream and a simple these are mommy's sufficed. I would have done the same.

  4. Oh my gosh...I dread the day! I think you handled it well. :)

  5. Ice cream is the answer to EVERYTHING.

  6. My kid still doesn't let me use the bathroom, she has unfortunately witnessed a few messy visuals of the "changing of the guard". She says ewwww....I say, then get out of the bathroom....when she tells me it's gross, I tell her she'll have to do it one day, too...she doesn't say anything else....haha!