Tuesday, May 15, 2012


You wouldn't think that a woman with three kids and a loving husband would be lonely, right? Well sometimes, I am. I have always been an incredibly social person, and my social life has been lacking recently. It isn't that we aren't busy. It seems as if there is always something going on. Soccer games, birthday parties, school events. What I am missing is neighbors, girlfriends, community. Life in Oakland has been a little strange. When I moved to the bay area nearly three years ago I quickly made many new friends, but overtime those relationships have faded or changed. People have moved away. Our Mom's Night Out group disbanded. I moved to Oakland and had another baby, making a spur of the moment get together with another mom or family quite difficult. As silly as it may sound the trip from Oakland to Berkeley or San Francisco at rush hour with kids makes a get together highly-unlikely.

And here I am, wrapping up my work day in my home office and desperately wishing that there was someone I could invite over for a glass of wine and face to face conversation. I rack my brain, but come up empty handed. I have no one that fits that bill. In Denver when I wanted someone to hangout with, all I had to do was open my door. I had neighbors to chat with, drink wine with, rely on. Most of my best friends were within a mile away. Seeing them was easy.

So I need new friends right? Sure, just hook me up. If only it were that easy. I have found that making friends is a lot like what I imagine dating might be like. You meet someone, think you may have a connection, exchange numbers and have a first "date." The first date is awkward, you make small talk and see if you have anything in common. Is this is someone I can imagine spending more time with? Will she fit in with my family? Will she judge me for my messy house, the fact that I can drink more than one glass of wine, or that I allow my kids to watch TV? Most of the people I have met have been just fine, but the friendships rarely ever go anywhere, I have had a lot of second "dates" that never made it to three.

And now I'm tired. I don't really feel like making new friends. I think what I need is a Match.com or eharmony for girlfriends. Before I meet any of my potential "mates" I should have them take the following quiz:

  1. True or False: I enjoy spending time away from my kids. 
  2. Multiple Choice: Your idea of a good girls night out is: a) Scrapbooking b) going to a poetry slam c) going to a vegan restaurant and drinking tea d) getting fancy and going out for cocktails 
  3. When out with your girlfriends you enjoy talking about: a) Your inner child b) Your new BMW c) how gifted your two year old is d) The Real Housewives of New York 
  4. True or False: You often find yourself complaining about how difficult it is to balance managing your full time nanny, your volunteer work, your personal trainer sessions, the weekly grocery shopping and overseeing your kitchen remodel.
  5. Your idea of a fun shopping trip is: a) Toys R Us! b) Costco c) Hobby Lobby d) Boutiques/consignment shops and Macy's! 
  6. Our families are getting together you a) plan a craft for the kids, prepare organic snacks, and spend the whole time entertaining your children b) let the kids run wild, order pizza, drink some beers and chat with me.
Can you guess the answers to my questions? If you answer them correctly and live in Oakland, you have a new BFF....


  1. true. d. d. false. d. b. :)

  2. I know this sounds crazy, but I've met a lot of really amazing women on twitter. Some even live near me. I'm made REAL friends.

  3. Oh, loneliness can play heavy on the heart. It is like dating though - just when you least expect it is when you'll meet THE friend. And it's chemistry too right? I've often known right away when someone will become THE friend. And no, it didn't begin with a scrapbooking night :) LOVE the quiz, think I went quite well on it...

  4. I hate trying to make new girlfriends. It's not like college where you have time to sit around for hours and hear everybody's backstories. Just makes it so hard. So I hear ya.

    Anyway, wish I could invite you over to hang.:(

  5. Making friends at this stage in life can be hard. I have a crutch (English speakers in a Hebrew speaking environment - we all sort of stick together.) I kind of expected to make a bunch of friends with parents at my kids preschool or real school -this has not really happened, because the only thing we have in common is the kids. For how long can I talk about the freaking kids?
    I have lived here 7 years and have made amazing friends - friends I can rely on. It took me some time; I was not where I am today after three years. I know it's hard, for sure, but pass out that quiz and see if it helps. :)