Monday, March 1, 2010

Maybe it was lucky

I was reading a blog post from one of my favorite bloggers, Ann's Rants. She is someone that I attended Sunday school and later high school with. She was always prettier, more popular, and a way better performer than I, but the problem was, she was actually nice. So I could never hate her. And now here she is. A better BLOGGER than me. Figures. Yet, I am going to go ahead and give her a shout out, and reference her blog because she has inspired me as a blogger and my latest topic: WHY I AM GLAD I HAD BOYS. Ann's post was about the cattiness of the 5th grade female. Oh good Lord can I relate.

I was never, never a cool kid. I had an awkward vulnerability about me and I wore my little heart out on my sleeve. Adolescent girls knew just how to prey on that weakness. I was always getting kicked out of the "group", or blatantly made fun of in front of my fellow classmates. I remember some of my predators vividly. The comments;"Your hair is too greasy", "Your chest is too flat", "Your personality could be better" are still stuck in some part of my sub-conscious. Today I am Facebook "Friends" with some of these tormentors. Really don't you remember? You hated me! Now we are trading quirky remarks about the latest episode of The Office?

Okay, okay, even I can accept that we were children then and we have grown up, but I have to admit that if I really start to think about it I want to pass those girls a grown up note with all of the come backs that I have dreamed up over the past 20 years. They are good.

To be perfectly honest, I was also not exempt from the mean streak of the pre-teen. I could dish it out as well. One of my most horrifying moments was a cruel note a friend and I wrote and placed in a locker of an overweight classmate. It haunts me to this day. In my defense I was so plagued with guilt after the note incident that I turned myself in to my teacher and apologized profusely to the victim. But the damage was done.

To the best of my knowledge boys are different. They do not establish their dominance and self-worth the same way that girls do. There is less struggle over social status, and males simply don't thrust words around like swords the way that we "ladies" do. I realize that there are different battles to be won amongst the opposite sex. I worry because my boys have as much of a chance at being tall and athletic as I do of winning a contract with the Ford Modeling Agency. But somehow I feel that it will be easier and kinder.

I dreamed and dreamed about having a daughter to dress in frills and tea party with, but perhaps I am lucky that my offspring are sons instead. Time will tell.


  1. So much to comment on, so very little time.

    I, too, played both aggressor and victim. We all did. That story about the letter struck me so much more with your sweetness in confessing and apologizing, than in the cruelty of the original act.

    There is always always always someone better. My goal is to focus on what I do well and work really hard at it. I've changed careers several times, and I really want to experience the satisfaction of committing to my goal and getting really good at what I do. And then sharing it with others. Whenever I confuse that focus and the envy starts to seep in, it is a signal for me to return to MY OWN GOALS.

    I grieved not having girls for years, too. And not having a third baby. And now? I think I'm okay with both. Especially as I watch my sister battle the teenage girl years.

    Finally. I broke up with Facebook when I started my blog. I felt like it was a ding dong ditch over and over and over, and a tad self-destructive.

    Thanks for the shout-out. Um? I actually do think you could mom-model.


  2. I had much of this in mind (they are quite painful memories when you dredge them up, aren't they?) when pregnant with my second, willing to be happy if my lot was to have boys only... and now that I am so blessed with the much-desired "one of each", I see I just have the full spectrum to deal with.

    Hopefully the contrasts will make for easier teaching.

    Love your blog, BTW. :)