Thursday, March 11, 2010


My child has taken to snorting. That's right, snorting. No not cocaine or glue, he is four after all, he is just....snorting. It started with the onset of an ear infection and I attributed it to the fluid in his ears, but the snorting, it is only getting worse. We are talking big thunderous rolling snorts. The kind that makes the person standing in front of you in the check out line turn around and and look. It is embarrassing.

It doesn't matter where we are. In the car, at the bank, in the grocery store, at school and perhaps the most unfortunate in his bed in the middle of the night. It's the middle of the night snorts that are the most offensive. Zack might wake up, pad down to the bathroom and then return to his bed and snort for a good five minutes before falling effortlessly back into slumber, leaving me wide awake and cursing the snorts.

I admit it. I am starting to snap. On more than one occasion I have whirled around to my snorting offspring and crossly demanded "what is that??? why do you do that?" But he just stares at me blankly as if the answer is obvious, as if we all go around announcing our presence with giant nasal noises.

Is it a nervous habit? If so, he had better grow out of it before middle school. I can see him now a pimply skinny adolescent sitting in math class...snorting. The girls all snicker and say "gross!" and the boys will tape a "kick me" sign to his back. I picture him being awarded the "most likely never to get married" title in his high school year book. His life doomed because of this relentless snorting.

So unless I want to end up an old lady with no grandchildren this snorting business has to stop. If only I knew how to snort it out.

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1 comment:

  1. Blame it on grandpa David! Snort! Let's see it!