Dear State of California Customer Service Department,
California, with all due respect I am extremely disappointed in your service. I moved out here in October with the promise of a snow free winter and your beckoning wine country. California, I am disappointed.
Let's talk about this winter. Okay, no snow. Fantastic. Except. Except there were days upon days of endless rain. Rain that came down in sheets all day. Not stopping. Endless. Forcing me to take my children to germ infested indoor "play areas", which by the way bored me to tears.
And the pay off? This "summer". This "summer" which requires me to wear long pants and a jacket every day. This "summer" which has our nanny arriving to the door in the morning clad in a wool cap and cupping a steaming cup of hot coffee. I am sorry. Let me clarify... this is summer right?
In addition I am gravely disturbed by the housing situation in this fair state. I left a 3000 square foot home in a beautiful Denver neighborhood and moved into a little home in Berkeley. Yes, I mean little. L-i-t-t-l-e, little. A third of the space, for a third more per month... you do the math. I am not happy. At first, I thought it was sweet. I tried to make the best of the shoe box we call home. I went to the Container Store and bought boxes of various sizes so I could get organized. But you try shoving 3000 square feet into 1200. No amount of handy plastic contraptions can contain that mess, we are busting at the seems. And P.S. I hate it.
What else? You think I am done? California I am not. I am sick of your money grubbing state employees. Your meter maids that patrol the streets, waiting hungrily for the very second my meter expires. Placing your $50 ticket upon my windshield as I walk to the car, pushing a stroller and shoeing my preschooler towards my vehicle. Too late, they smirk. Your vile BART worker who sneers at me as I try to explain that I lost my brand new $30 ticket on the train. He stares with beady eyes "$5.50 for a lost ticket!" He demands, accusing me of trying to snake my way into a free trip. Hello, do I look like I am looking for a free ride? All dressed up with my laptop slung across my tired shoulder. Please.
California, you are a snob. Yes you have the ocean. Yes you have the bridges. Yes you have the tourists, and the endless fresh produce. But... I want my summer. I want to park my car for free. I want my Denver back. The sun beating down and baking my skin to a golden brown. The perfect summer nights, just the right temperature for a scoop of gelato at my beloved Red Trolley. My beautiful house with space to move and room to spare. I want my Denver back.
California, I'm mad. You have some explaining to do. I am waiting for my refund.
Your new resident,