Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Real Housewives of Alemeda County

So, I am completely obsessed with The Real Housewives of Orange County (also New Jersey, New York or whatever). I cannot stop myself. Every time I watch an episode however, my blood boils, I get so angry, so jealous so disgusted all at the same time. I never feel happy or good after a viewing, but it's like a traffic accident, I simply cannot pry my eyes of the scene. A recent episode-one wife whisks her husband away on a surprise vacation to a beach resort to renew their vows. They have an amazing suite, a private concierge, the best of everything. She gives him a 2 carrot diamond band. Another wife who is recovering from a face lift, with a body that matches that of her 15 year old hottie daughter hits the gym. Another "housewife" (she isn't married) parades around with her playboy body in a half shirt at a fancy-pants boutique with her Coach pocketbook wide open. And finally one godly housewife with a recent boob job needs the nanny to accompany the family to church.

This inspired me to write an episode of the Real Housewives of Alameda County.

Housewife Rachel:

Housewife Rachel is 35 years old has two boys and a loving husband. It's 1:30 in the afternoon. Rachel picks up her eldest son Zachary from preschool. Dressed in navy bleach stained-stretched out yoga pants and a miss-matched black hoodie with a ketchup stain leftover from her younger son's lunch. Zachary has a melt down as Rachel tries to buckle him in the car seat. The cell phone rings. She answers it. It's the dentists office confirming tomorrow's appointment. Let the good times roll.

Housewife Ann: Housewife Ann is 44 with twin 2 year old boys and a mortgage that she cannot afford because they are still paying the bills for the fertility clinic. Bliss has it's price. It is 1:30 and she is cleaning out the cat box. She is punching out the numbers in her head to try and determine if there is enough money to hire a babysitter so that she and her husband can celebrate their wedding anniversary.

Housewife Susan: It's 7pm, and her husband is at happy hour. She has been with her three kids all day and is ready to strangle them to death. She keeps her cool and throws the kids in front of sponge bob for 30 minutes while she updates her status on Facebook.

Housewife Julie: Is standing in front of the mirror looking at her Buddha belly and her cellulite and hating the Real Housewives of Orange County because they can all afford plastic surgery and she cannot.


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