Wednesday, December 9, 2009

New Mom vs. Experienced Mom

New Mom: On daycare picture day orders the Super-Deluxe package including a wall-size print, six 8x10's, twelve 5x7's, 56 wallet photos, tote bag with child's photo imprinted on it and a bonus Christmas ornament.

Experienced Mom: Out of guilt purchases the mini-package including only six wallet photos. Who are we kidding, Junior just isn't that photogenic.

New Mom: Enjoys special shopping trips to carefully pick out a very coordinated wardrobe from favorite kiddie stores, Gymboree or Baby Gap. Her son will be the cutest on the playground!

Experienced Mom: Seriously contemplates buying son a pleated shirt with a slight ruffle at the collar found at local thrift shop. It's super cheap and doesn't have any (noticeable) holes.

New Mom: Whips out spare outfit at the first splatter of spaghetti sauce.

Experienced Mom: If the clothing item isn't visibly growing mold, it's probably just fine.

New Mom: Worries constantly about child's diet. Is he getting enough protein? Vitamin A? Fiber? Why won't she eat blueberries, all kids eat blueberries. If she doesn't eat blueberries how will she get her antioxidants?

Experienced Mom: A fruit roll up counts as a meal.... right?

New Mom: Records every milestone in baby's memory book. "First time baby sat up" "first time baby smiled" "first time junior blew his nose by himself".

Experienced Mom: There is no need to write all of this down sweetie, how could I forget it?

New Mom: Has a constant children's sing-along at home. Packs away own CD's in favor of Music Together compilations and Disney soundtracks.

Experienced Mom: Tries to instill an interest "real" music and is in constant search for profanity-free lyrics.

New Mom: Hires an expert to come in and offer child proofing tips to keep her precious darling safe.

Experienced Mom: Instead of baby-proofing, attempts to reason with child-the cost of anything you break is coming directly out of your college fund.

I could go on and on......

1 comment:

  1. I'm picturing poor Evan in a Seinfeld puffy shirt...don't do it!