"Vacation"

Disclaimer, I wrote this post early this morning, when I awoke with a raging headache. The boys were behaving quiet poorly, and I just wasn't in the mood. To be fair, and before you call social services on me, our day improved. I did not in fact, completely loose it after all.

We interrupt this pleasant, feel-good programming with a much needed bitch -fest.

Vacationing with a five and a two year old is hard. I knew that going into this, however, I think that I am just about ready to throw in the towel. All I can tell you is if upon my return to the real world, anyone asks me if I feel refreshed, I might have a few choice words for them.

First, the fighting. I know that a little sibling rivalry is to be expected, but the level of brotherly hatred is unprecedented. Just about any verbal communication that is shared between Zack and Evan is said to the tune of nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo. You know that old teasing song usually accompanied by one putting their thumbs in their ears and wiggling the rest of their fingers back and forth. It sounds something like this around the Kargas family: (remember to hum all of the following comments to the teasing tune) "I have pirate socks, you have plain socks" "I have more milk, you have less milk" "I got to the car first, you are last." For Pete's sakes, put a sock in it!

Then there is the name calling. The boys get super creative here. "Evan is a poo-poo baby!" "Zachary is a poo-poo baby!" That's about it. At least they are consistent (if not constant).

And the children, well they aren't exactly exactly showing their parents a whole lot of respect and love either. Nope. I had all kinds of Kodak moments in my head, you know roasting marshmallows and singing camp fire songs, watching one of my little munchkins happily eating a smore, looking up to me with a slight smudge of chocolate above his lip and then lovingly saying "This is so much fun mommy! Thank you!"

Hilarious! No the scenario has been something closer to this:

While eating smores: Wailing from the younger munchkin "It broke! Oh no! oh no!" Sobbing, the child hurls the mess of marshmallow goo to the floor.

At the pool: I inform one shivering, teeth chattering child that it's time to go in and watch a movie. Child: "I don't want to! You are too mean! You're not my friend anymore!"

As we are getting ready to leave for a fun filled day of hiking and swimming: Daddy informs Zack that it is time to go potty and put on shoes. The nerve. Zachary: "I hate you! You're not my friend." Angry sobbing. Then, "I hate you!" "Give me a tissue!" And finally the biggest zinger of all, "We don't do anything fun for kids!"

Excuse me? What planet are you on? Let's see Disneyland, the beach, hiking, the pool, eating hamburgers, hotdogs, and smores, G-rated movies. What more do you want kid?

Do you know what mommy wants? Hmmm??? Mommy wants to run away from this cabin, and find a bar, and get hammered. And then mommy wants to watch an R rated movie and eat sushi for dinner. Now that is a vacation! So listen up little ones, you better start appreciating what you're getting before you send mommy to the nut house.

No, really folks I love my family.

I just need a vacation.