Remember my last post, when I promised that my sunny disposition would be short lived? Well one day later and I am ready for another whine fest. Told you so.
So what's my deal today? Let me paint the picture for you. Last night I wend to bed after a lovely date night with my husband. We went to a cozy pub and drank port wine and then had Chinese food. We had a terrific time. Throughout the evening I noticed that my neck was a wee-bit sore. I complained briefly about it and brushed it off.
Around 1 am I awoke in such pain I had tears in my eyes. No matter how I positioned myself the left side of my neck and shoulder were in agony. I am only mildly exaggerating. Perhaps I don't know what true agony is, but I can tell you this, it has been worse than recovering from either c-section. After a sleepless night I greeted my family with my head tilting towards the right at a bazaar angle. Zachary asked me why I could not hold my head up right. I refrained from telling him it was because I was in some of the worst pain in my life and merely explained that "mommy wasn't feeling well".
Today we were all going to take a drive up to Sacramento to visit relatives of my father-in-law who we have never met before. I quickly determined that there was no possible way that I could make the trip. My family departed without me, leaving me in a completely quiet , empty home. Bliss right? Perhaps, if I wasn't desperately praying for the narcotic fairy to drop off some heavy duty drugs. I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself, since I was tired but could not sleep, so I took a hot shower and went and got a deep tissue massage, which really didn't help much. I came home and somehow managed to sleep for 2.5 hours, which was a miracle. I awoke at about 3:30, still in pain, but also feeling a tremendous amount of what else, but... guilt. Why? Because I had squandered an entire Saturday. Because I was given the rare opportunity of a full day without children and I accomplished nothing, even though there was so much to be done. Our house is a pig sty, the refrigerator barren, and the laundry, multiplying by the nano-second. And yet I was a useless lump of nerves.
Now the smart woman in me knows that this guilt is ridiculous, even if I didn't feel as if my head had suddenly become ten times too heavy for my tiny throbbing neck, I still would have deserved a Saturday of nothing right? Shouldn't everyone have a little down time? But the restless critical part of me was screaming at the top of her big lungs "DO SOMETHING YOU LAZY SLOB!" And although the smart part of me knows that I should have slapped the critical bitch within and settled down to a Real Housewives marathon, I dragged my butt to the grocery store and did the weekly shopping.
And now here I sit, my neck really no better than this morning and fearing another sleepless night.