Sunday, October 17, 2010


This is not a funny post. I am not even going to make an attempt at humor. This is serious business.

Zack hates his little brother.

If Zack were in the mafia he would order a hit on him.

If he had a facebook page, he would taunt him 24/7 with his status updates. "Evan poops in his diaper!" "Evan is a stupid baby!"

If he were the head of this household he would disown Evan. Trust me, he has inquired on multiple occasions about the possibility of "kicking Evan out of the family."

I am not making this stuff up.

Is it a phase? If it is it goes back to June 12, 2008.

Sure there have been flashes of tenderness along the way. I will never forget the first time Zachary witnessed me changing Evan's diaper. When I removed the infant onsie, Zack recoiled in horror at the site of Evan's stumpy belly button. I had forgotten to warn him. He looked truly scared and for his brothers well being. Sweet, but that was a long time ago. Since that moment, I would have to say there have only been a handful of times when Zachary has shown even a small amount of kindness toward his nemesis.

Is this normal? It seems to me that all of my friends with multiple kids have older siblings that look after their little brother or sister. They give out hugs and kisses, perhaps sometimes to forcefully, but at least the intention is there. Zack has never asked to hug his brother. He will barely stand next to him for a photograph.

So what did I do wrong? I tried to prepare my son for the arrival of his baby brother. I read the "I'm a big brother!" book to Zack about 200 times. I talked on and on about how important a big brother is. We talk about jealousy, and got a book about it. I feel as though we give him tons of attention. Today for example, I took him for a mommy & me day, and went to the bookstore and the movies with him. I filled him up with mama hugs and popcorn and we had a delightful time... until we got home, and the fighting between brothers started all over again.

Please readers, I am looking for your advice, or your words of encouragement. Have you witnessed this type of behavior before? (Tell me I am not alone!). Do you have any ideas on how to improve the situation? (Since brothers cannot get a divorce, we are all stuck together under the same very small roof for at least the next 13 years). I am all ears.


  1. I think you answered your own question- I even stenciled it on the wall 'Brothers Forever'- g-d willing my boys will outlive us and still have eachother- I scare this into them- and every time they fight they are forced to hug and both say 'brothers forever' they are 7 and 9 and really hardly fight- it was 'work' to get them to get along when they were a bit younger but easier now that they are interested in all the same things- but I worked at it- consciously all the time- I am an only child so it is very important to me that they are best friend- so I told them- every day that they were!

  2. It is totally normal. It is a phase that lasts till forever... or at least until they have homes of their own. It does get better .... sometimes. And it'll probably get much better more often when Evan is about four or five.

    Just remember that they DO love their chuthers... even if they aren't acting like it right now.

  3. I have the same thing going on with my son and youngest daughter. I bet they will grow out of it-we hope!

  4. My daughter is 11 and my son 6. It has taken her five years and the maturity of being nearly twelve to notice that he is cute! Hope that hekps.