Monday, July 29, 2013

Things I'm Dying To Know

Olive Garden anyone? 
Today, after having the rare occasion of a Monday mid-day nap I got to thinking.... why are naps reserved for babies and toddlers? Wouldn't we all benefit from a little snooze at 2:00? Wouldn't humans be happier, healthier and more productive with a siesta each day?  Wouldn't life just be.....better? Well that got me questioning, and I thus I came up with the following list:


1) Why aren't beer and cheesecake good for you while whole grains and kale fattening? Wouldn't that make sense from an evolutionary perspective?

2) Does anybody really believe that quinoa and vegan, glutton free cookies are delicious, or are they just messing with our heads?

3) Why do the Kardashians have their own television show?

4) Do fast food marketers really think we are stupid enough to believe that young, attractive, SLIM, ethnically diverse coworkers gather over double quarter pounders (with cheese) while laughing with delight? Really? REALLY?

5) What are you suppose to do with your wedding gown and veil after the big day? I have held on to mine for 14 years now... and guess what? It has done nothing but take up space. Selling it seems somehow wrong, and I do love my veil. Would it be appropriate for me to wear it to the Olive Garden one night? Why not?

6) Who decided that two weeks of vacation was a good national standard? For most people in this country that doesn't even cover the amount of time they will need to take off for a sick kid or failed childcare. I want to move to Europe.

7) How ridiculously moronic do tampon manufacturers think we are? I have seen some cyber-commentary on the Internet regarding this issue, however I can't help but reinforce the fact that even with the most amazing, absorbent "comfortable" tampons in the world, no mentally sound menstruating female wants to jog on the beach while wearing a white string bikini. Bad. Idea. Trust me.

8) How soon until there are 12 step groups for smart phone addicts? Sign me up.

9) Does my husband really expect me to believe that he doesn't enjoy business travel at least a *little* bit? No waking up at 2:00 am because your nearly 8 year old wet his bed....again, no rising at 6:45 am to three boys suffering from low blood sugar and rising testosterone levels, time for happy hour, dinner out, and a morning jog. Yup. Sounds awful. I'm calling bull-sh*t. Just own it.

10) What is it about the intonation of whining that grates on the ears, and why are my children such wonderfully accomplished whiners???

Got answers? I'm listening....

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