When I first started blogging I would check Google Analytics religiously. I analyzed how many visits I had each day, where they were from, and how long they spent on my page. I frequently checked the number of followers I had acquired and continually yearned for more. I ran an occasional contest in an attempt to earn more fans, and eventually crept my way up to 230. At one point I had big visions for getrealmama. I had hoped for adoring fans who would comment frequently, I had imagined that I might be discovered as a truly funny and talented writer. I dreamed of pitches from eager agency Account Executives hoping that I would endorse a product or client.
Somewhere along the way I stopped looking at the numbers. I became comfortable that my followers were static, there would be no getrealmama t-shirts, free swag or conference invitations. My blog became for me. I write what I want to, sometimes making lame attempts at humor, but accepting that this is my (public) diary, and that while it hasn't attracted herds of adoring fans from Blogher, it is mine. It is honest, real and a reflection of where I am in my life today. It isn't the most brilliant, insightful or thought provoking writing, and while I know I am capable of better, it serves it's purpose. It is my outlet, for emotion, creativity and sometimes angst.
I have come to realize that everyone thinks that they have a story and that there are millions and millions of writers out there far more brilliant, articulate and witty than I am. I'm not going to be the best. I'm not going to stand out.
Why am I even mentioning this? I suppose it is because it is about more than this blog. It's ultimately a realization about who I am. I am not a top blogger, nor am I a senior executive. I have a job which I am good at, yet I will likely never achieve greatness. I am a decent mother, but will never be PTA President, Den Mother or Parent of The Year.
However many followers one has on their blog, however many promotions they get on the job- it's time for me to stop analyzing and comparing. It's time to do this life thing for me. To stop worrying about the numbers and who is better. There is always someone better... always. And so I suppose this is a public statement of my intention to try and let go of the competition. Life isn't a contest. Life is what you make of it.