Labor Day. The end of summer. It's always a little sad, that last day at the pool, that last family barbecue. Today, the passing of this season holds extra meaning. I spent the past year anticipating summer. Through the rainy winter months my stomach grew and grew, while I held tight to the promise of warmer times, when damp cold would give way to sunshine and literally new life.
Julian was born just after Memorial Day, in the wee hours of May 31, 2011. As I held my new baby that rainy spring morning, I knew that I had an entire summer ahead of me. A summer filled with long afternoon walks and star lit nights, rocking my newborn to slumber.
We did not waste the past three months, they were well spent. We visited with family, attended every festival and fair that we could, we boarded a plane and traveled to Denver, we made the most of our time. Best of all, more than ever I was able to focus, focus on taking everything in. I spent moments just looking into the eyes of my new son. Perhaps because I know he is my last baby, I have worked at being present in the moment and I have taken many mental photographs. His chubby cheeks, his gummy smile, the softness of his hair. Spectacular.
September has come. Fall is upon us. School has started and life pushes forward. It happened too fast. Today, I gave away the last of Julian's newborn clothing, he has outgrown them. I will never have a need for a size 1 diaper again, and this gives me pause. A chapter is closing. Forever. So many milestones. My high school graduation. My first day of college. The day David proposed. Our wedding. Our first home. My 30th birthday. That first positive pregnancy test....
And here we are. My third son is three months. I will have no more babies. The real milestones are now those of my children. My beautiful (sometimes lousy) boys. I cannot believe I am here, that this is my life. So much of the time I still feel as if I am the child. A little girl in need of encouragement. But no, no, I am the grown up, the mommy, raising the next generation. It all moves so fast, one season to the next.
Summer is gone. It is time to move on. Back to work. On to the next stage. Closing a chapter.
Forever.
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What a wistful...yet hopeful post. It really is about our children, and I am so happy that you get a chance to enjoy every aspect of them....savoring this time with your last baby, while keeping alive the baby memories of your older 2.
ReplyDelete....and then there are the firsts of each of the boys...staggered celebrations around every turn that make it easy to be proud of them all...
I envy that you have had more than 1 child, though I know it is much, much harder.....you do get to relax somewhat into the role as Mom and appreciate multiple times the good things. Plus, when they are older, they'll have eachother...the brotherhood...for the rest of their lives.
I worry sometimes about Maggie being alone when we are gone. Hopefully, she will marry into a big family that will love and cherish her as much as we do.
Okay, so now I'm all weepy....sorry!
Heartfelt thanks for still finding the time to come visit me! I wish you all the best :)
I am feeling similar. I'm pretty sure Eli is my last, although I can't manage giving away the baby stuff yet. I just can't.
ReplyDeleteSeems like the milestones just come up faster and faster. It's always a bit tough closing one chapter, knowing it went by so fast, yet looking forward to the next one to come. I still keep some of my kids onesies and cute baby hats and outfits. I can't bear to throw them out!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I'm sitting in the backyard listening to the kids being dropped off from the school bus and thinking about you and Erica when you were little. This time of year always makes me nostalgic for those times when you came home and said "mommy, look what I made in school!". I can still see you in your braids and Erica with her semi dreadlocks! Oh my babies!!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I hate to keep bringing up my dog (I know you understand -- I remember when your cat died), but this feels a lot like how I felt when he died. There's sort of the "Changing of the guard" moment when you start assessing what your life is about, where it's been, where it's going, how fast it's all flying by. Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? And we just happen to mark it with babies and pet deaths? I don't know. Just know it feels bitter-sweet.
ReplyDeleteGosh, do I know those feelings...
ReplyDeleteI really struggled this summer, though. You sound like yours was pretty fantastic. I'd love to get together. I am super lame at emails lately. I know something's in the works... or just happened :P
Such a beautiful post. There is so much pathos in the passing of time, so bitter-sweet. I constantly mourn that I will have no more babies, and treasure every memory of beautiful gummy smiles. What a gift! Thanks for this post :)
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