Saturday, February 26, 2011

Reality Check

There is no denying it, I'm getting bigger. Yes I realize that this is suppose to happen. Still, it frightens me a little. My expanding belly means that I am getting that much closer to having a real live kicking, screaming, keeping -me -awake- all night- newborn.

Sometimes I am truly surprised by my size. I don't feel as large as I look. I still think of myself as me with a little bump, and then I'll catch a glimpse of myself as I pass by the mirror and feel utter shock. Who is that PREGNANT lady? Oh holy hell.... it can't be.

My friends won't let me forget either. On Friday I saw a girlfriend who had come over for dinner just two weeks earlier. "You have gotten so much bigger!" was one of the first things out of her mouth. I suppose she is right.

Reality is setting in. I had to book a dentist appointment four months from today. As I was looking at the calendar I realized that I will be on maternity leave at that time and will therefor need childcare for baby as I get my teeth cleaned. Wow. WOW.

It is so easy to get caught up in pregnancy. The worries, the morning sickness, the cravings, the aches and pains and the joyful kicks. It's easy to conveniently forget about what comes next. The baby. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited to welcome the newest member of our family, but I am also terrified. Days when I feel overwhelmed by my two fighting, frenzied offspring I stop and think to myself, and I'm adding a newborn to this mix? Am I out of my mind? Too late now mama!

Will I be able to handle this growing bundle of joy come May 31? Will I be able to juggle it all? Yes, I realize I will get through this, millions and millions of parents do. I just think back to the time when Zachary was born, and although it wasn't all sunshine and roses, it was manageable. One baby, two grown ups. We shared the load and had plenty of time to bask in the bliss of new parenthood. We could stare at our tiny angel and capture every moment on film, on paper, and in our hearts. With Evan it was a little harder, and now with baby boy #3, I can only imagine. Will he get any attention at all? Will my husband get to bond with him, or will it fall to me, with the milk, while papa takes care of the other two?

I feel guilty that this baby won't receive the same sort of attention from us, or from family. He is grandson #5 on both sides after all, and I think that everyone may just be over it. The grandmas were giddy with Zachary, knitting and quilting up a storm. This time around one unnamed grandparent has found herself "too busy" to assist with hand making the birth announcements as she has done for each of the other grandchildren. I suppose the enthusiasm is just... gone. How unfair. Doesn't the little one inside of me deserve the same love and excitement as those who have come before? And yet, it is just impossible for it to be the same, because things are different.

On the bright side the littlest Kargas will have two older brothers who will love him and show him the ropes. Brothers he can look up to for a lifetime. Evan and Zachary are now playing and causing all kinds of trouble together. Just as I had hoped for, they are becoming friends. And before you know it we will have The Three Musketeers.

Yes....before you know it. My belly is proof.

(Only a few months ago, Zachary would never agreed to an "Evan Sandwich" these days he is more than happy to oblige!)


  1. I'm so happy to hear that they are becoming friends! We have our share of (daily) spats around here too - but when I took Maya out on a date last night to our local coffee shop, she made sure to bring a chocolate home for her brother. THAT's love.

  2. This grandma is officially protesting the reported lack of enthsiasm (yes, I'm from Madison, Wisconsin and have lots of experience with protesting, both in the past and currently - but I digress). I am extremely excited about baby #3 and will again be knitting up a storm once I am told what colors to use and what kind of sweaters are needed in San Fran!!!

  3. I remember those days, although they are a faded-memory. My boys are now 14, 12.5 & almost 10.

    Life is soooo much easier. Today my middle-son made me a latte. The boys are so much more independent, they can dress themselves, get their own breakfasts and perform a few household chores(with a bit of prodding). They mostly get along but I frequently have to play referee.

    I call them my 3 Stooges! My oldest is definately Moe. :)

    You'll look back on these days in awe on how you did it!

  4. Hi, I just happened to stumble upon your blog, and am now your newest follower. I also have 2 boys, and I applaud your bravery at having another. There are times when I long for a baby again, but those moments are only fleeting, as I look in the mirror and catch a glimpse of what a hot mess I am with just two. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! I look forward to hearing more from your blog. -Jen-
    PS- my blog can be found at check it out!

  5. Awwww, you look amazing! Maybe you think you're getting bigger, but I think you look still small for someone due in May. Anyway, you are a very lovely pregnant lady! Congrats!

  6. You do look amazing....I concur with Sandra!

    Worry , anxiousness, wanting happy kids, fretting that they have equal treatment, love, attention is normal....what all parents get in exchange for the titles of Mommy and Daddy...

    It will be tough, but so worth it to have kids who will have eachother to lean on....and a Mom who is very proud of that fact :)

  7. AWWWW!!!! You're one of those super cute, super chic prego moms that I absolutely hate! (But I'll keep reading your blog, if you don't mind.)