Me: Boss I am sick. I am not going to make it in to work today. I'll be in tomorrow.
Boss: You can't be sick today. Who is going to cover for you? Besides you don't sound sick.
Me: Seriously I am sick. I can't come in. The staff doesn't want what I have.
Boss: Listen, the staff has been running around with runny noses since the day they were hired. You can't give them anything they don't already have. Get in here.
Me: What kind of crazy company is this anyways? Don't I get sick days?
Boss: Sure you get sick days, but if you read your employee handbook, you will see you may only take them in one of two circumstances. One-if you are actually hospitalized, or two on weekends if there is back up coverage and no major televised sporting events.
Me: That is ludicrous!
Boss: You signed a contract.
Me: I must have been out of my mind.
Boss: Not my problem. Your shift starts now stop whining and report to work this instant.
Me: Okay, how about we just charge this to my vacation time instead.
Boss: Ms. Kargas, I am going to ask you once again to refer to your employee handbook. It states very clearly that vacation time may only be taken in 30 to 90 minute increments weekdays after 6:30 pm or on weekends. Requests for vacation must be made a minimum of 24 hours in advance.
Me: (whimpering)But I am so tired.
Boss: That's okay. You can come in your pajamas. It's casual day.