Friday, February 19, 2010

Performance Evaluation

So lets make believe a little. It's time for my annual performance review with my pretend boss.

KARGAS INC. Annual Employee Review

Boss: So Rachel, we have completed a 360 evaluation with your staff and coworkers. Quite frankly I am a little concerned by what we heard, particularly from your staff. Their comments were all over the place, making me question your consistency. For example one individual said "she is mean! She is always mean! She is so unfair", while the second employee appears to be completely content and enjoys simply saying you're name over and over again. I am concerned that there may be some favoritism going on.

Me: You don't understand. My staff is very immature and often fickle.

Boss: We spoke with a peer as well. He informed us that while he was generally pleased with your overall performance he felt you sometimes lacked attention to detail. He sited several instances when he had to go back and re-do work for you, like rewash dishes that have been put away dirty. His biggest concern was regarding your ability to manage the budget. He is afraid that you might not have a good grasp of basic finance and accounting skills. We are going to recommend additional training in this area.

Me: It's just that I need a bigger budget, and a new dishwasher.

Boss: The support staff is also complaining. They have informed us that you no longer seem to attend to their daily needs with as much attention as in prior years. Bowls go unfilled. Walks are significantly less frequent. You are not as "fun" anymore.

Me: I suggest we fire the support staff. I don't need them anymore. Listen isn't there any good news?

Boss: Yes. We spoke with OSHA it appears that the last major injury occurred on September 26, 2009. We have gone several months now without any serious incident. You are therefor passing all current health and safety regulations. In summary, we feel that you are performing at a satisfactory level, however we would like you take the necessary steps to get your performance to the next level. We would like you to invest time and effort into some career development. Here is your first assignment: Read "How to talk so your kids will listen, and how to listen so your kids will talk".

Until next year.....


  1. Very creative and amusing! I would give you much higher marks!

  2. Hilarious! I can so identify with the "Mama... mama... mama...".