Monday, September 21, 2009

California Stars

Another middle of the night post. Drat the insomnia. Things are coming together with The Move, and we are in the home stretch. I have had several dates with girlfriends to say goodbye, we held a farewell party, and believe that we have even found renters for our home. There is still much to be done, but it is starting to occur to me that this is really happening. Everything has been so noisy recently, so much chaos. Running around trying to figure out the details and squeeze in last-chance get togethers, I am really afraid of how quiet it is going to be once we drive up to our new California life. Sure at first there will be unpacking, finding Zack a preschool, searching out the nearest grocery stores and in my case, liquor stores (wine is indeed a very good friend of mine). But before long I am going to find myself without a need for a calendar to keep track of our social lives, it will be easy enough to keep in my head.

My mother-in-law,with her true Nordic stoicism told me that I just needed to have a better attitude about the whole thing, and be happy that I can focus on my family for a while. Sometimes I wonder how some people can keep such a stiff upper lip. I know that there is positive in all of this, that this is an exciting adventure of sorts, however for now, I just need to be sad a while. Screw positivity. Anyone who knows me, understands that I have never been a glass-half-full-kind of gal. No Swed am I. No, I am emotional and often pessimistic, but eventually I'll come around.

Zack has a new favorite song to listen to on the Ipod, Wilco's "California Stars". Daddy has been playing it for him every time we get into the car, perhaps in an attempt to get him excited about The Move. It's a pretty song, and each time I hear it I am filled with mixed emotions. Mostly it makes me sad, I don't want to leave my Rocky Mountain high, I have never thought of myself as the California type, and my heart aches when I think of leaving our life here. But then of course the same stars hang above both states, and Colorado will never be far from my heart, it will always be home and only a few frequent flier miles away.

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