In Soft Focus

Today on this eve of the most romantic holiday of the year I sit here contemplating what I would like my beloved to give me for a valentine's day gift.  Then it comes to me in an instant.

$550 for what my dermatologist called "filler." Apparently I only need one syringe, so this is a "bargain."

*Sigh*

Yes, today I made a visit to the dermatologist because I wanted her to check out a spot on my cheek that appeared a few months ago. With much relief, I found out that this spot was a meaningless patch of burst blood vessels, and nothing that needed to be removed. Now I just have another spot on my face which requires concealer. Yay.

I had a total body check for suspicious moles, since I was so irresponsible with my tanning obsessions in my twenties. Lucky me, I had an audience. The doctor brought her assistant and two assistants-in-training to watch as she searched my naked body for any signs of skin cancer. It was not a sexy moment. The office was freezing and my feet turned blue. My skin, a day-glow-white under the bright lights  made me briefly contemplate  making a few trips to the tanning salon before my vacation to Belize, but then I remembered what brought me to the doctor's office in the first place.

To my relief the doctor pronounced that everything looked good.

As I was putting my robe on the doctor inquired if I had any additional questions.

I hesitated, but couldn't help myself. I blurted out "Do I need Botox?"

She did not hesitate in her response. "No! What you need is Juvederm! It's a filler that will put back the volume you have lost in your cheeks with age."

My heart skipped a beat. Am I really having this conversation? Is it so very obvious that I "need" filler?

I inquired about the cost.

I was informed that because I have a small face, I am young and don't have significant loss, one syringe should do. It would only be $550. With $550 my face could look young again over the next 9-12 months.

I actually started calculating how I could afford it. Perhaps if I asked for money instead of gifts for major holidays and birthdays I could afford youth again.

But then what? If I start now at 38.5, will I be getting more injections and tucks with each following year? How much do I want to spend chasing down a beauty that isn't mine to keep?

Perhaps it's better to keep the lights down low, and take photographs in soft focus? 

But maybe just once... just once?

Dearest Valentine? For $550 I am yours.