A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I just cannot seem to shake. Julian took his first steps, which is not such a stretch since he is pulling up to stand and starting his cruising phase. In my dream I watched as my baby took his first two tiny steps and then in an instant he was a toddler all blond curls and running. My heart ached. I felt panicked and desperate. My baby, a baby no more. Gone.
The first weekend of May I am headed for a girls weekend in Vegas with my best girl, Shannon. Believe me I cannot wait. Sunshine, massages, cocktails, conversation with a dear friend and sleeping in until whenever- the- hell- I -want -to are on the horizon. But I'll also be leaving my baby for the first time. I'll be gone two nights and inevitably this will probably mean he will wean. Julian will be one at the end of May. I am not the type of mama who feels the need to nurse a baby to childhood, but weaning Julian means that I'm done. I'm done being a mom to a baby. At the moment I have two boys who adore their father, as they should, but I often feel left out. Dad wrestles and plays sports with the boys, and I'm on the sidelines. After the nursing ends I'm afraid it won't be long before my sweet baby boy starts to prefer papa too.
As a girl I dreamed of my wedding day, the white dress, the flowers, the wonderful man I would marry. It happened when I was 24. From there I dreamed of our first home. We bought one in 2001. Finally it was all about pregnancy and babies, and now that phase is quickly fading to memory as well. What's next? I never planned this far.
I have no idea.
P.S. Do not forget to enter my contest for the $25 Macy's Gift Card!