A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I just cannot seem to shake. Julian took his first steps, which is not such a stretch since he is pulling up to stand and starting his cruising phase. In my dream I watched as my baby took his first two tiny steps and then in an instant he was a toddler all blond curls and running. My heart ached. I felt panicked and desperate. My baby, a baby no more. Gone.
The first weekend of May I am headed for a girls weekend in Vegas with my best girl, Shannon. Believe me I cannot wait. Sunshine, massages, cocktails, conversation with a dear friend and sleeping in until whenever- the- hell- I -want -to are on the horizon. But I'll also be leaving my baby for the first time. I'll be gone two nights and inevitably this will probably mean he will wean. Julian will be one at the end of May. I am not the type of mama who feels the need to nurse a baby to childhood, but weaning Julian means that I'm done. I'm done being a mom to a baby. At the moment I have two boys who adore their father, as they should, but I often feel left out. Dad wrestles and plays sports with the boys, and I'm on the sidelines. After the nursing ends I'm afraid it won't be long before my sweet baby boy starts to prefer papa too.
As a girl I dreamed of my wedding day, the white dress, the flowers, the wonderful man I would marry. It happened when I was 24. From there I dreamed of our first home. We bought one in 2001. Finally it was all about pregnancy and babies, and now that phase is quickly fading to memory as well. What's next? I never planned this far.
I have no idea.
P.S. Do not forget to enter my contest for the $25 Macy's Gift Card!
Awww, isn't this part so hard? Seeing the end of all baby-hoods nearing? I guess now we watch them grow up and try not to let it go too fast.
ReplyDeleteVegas sounds like an amazing idea. ;)
Don't get super attached to sleeping in when you're in Vegas...when I went in December, my husband called me at 8 am to ask a stupid question!
ReplyDeleteThe bittersweet end of the Era of Babies was really hard for me. Maybe what's next is you come run with me :)
That connection is a hard one to let go....a very fond remembrance of special bonding time with my girl, too....
ReplyDeleteBut, grow, they must....soak it all in while you can :)
Ah, Vegas, just the girls, no kids....sounds like bliss! Enjoy yourself!!
That post made me so sad. :( It makes me want to keep having babies forever. ;) {Although I don't think my hubby would consent to that.}
ReplyDeleteAwwww, this is sweet. My baby turns 7 tomorrow and as hard as it is to know I'll never have another baby, it's so fun to watch them grow and experience things with them that you couldn't when they were younger.
ReplyDelete:( I know that ache oh so well.
ReplyDeleteAhhh! Have so much fun in Vegas!!! I'm sorry that the "weaning" is on the horizon...at 4 months when my boy started refusing the breast I nearly had a breakdown. :(
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