Friday, January 14, 2011

Evan's Diva Contract

If you intend to work with me, there are some things that you need to know. In fact, I'll have my people draw up a contract, to be sure that my (very reasonable) requests are followed.


  1. All clothing items, including socks and pull ups must be licenced Pixar apparel. Toy Story and Cars highly preferred, NO PRINCESSES.

  2. 2. All tags or anything that may be construed as "itchy" must be removed before wear.

  3. 3. Remember that stains add character and flare to my look and must not be removed without prior approval.


  1. 1. Breakfast must be served immediately when I awake. This meai is to start with cheerios and blueberries which I may or may not eat, followed by mini microwave pancakes. Please note that homemade or large sized pancakes are not an acceptable substitution in any situation. Syrup is mandatory.

  2. All other meals must include a minimum of one serving of macaroni and cheese, from a box. Homemade macaroni and cheese is never appropriate.

  3. Milk is to be served at each meal and snack, in whatever cup my brother has-no substitutions.

  4. If any item on my plate (i.e. granola bar, cake, cracker, banana) breaks, it must be replaced promptly with a fresh whole piece. The broken food item must be discarded immediately, nobody else is to consume it.


  1. I am to be provided with a minimum of two toys in my crib each night, accompanied by Valentines Day Doggie, Bear, Other Bear and Da-Doh (my pillow, which is not filthy!)

  2. Your lap is to be made available to me on demand.

  3. My diaper is to be changed immediately upon being soiled. I don't care if you are in the shower with a head full of shampoo. I'm telling you, you will be sorry if you don't change it NOW!

*All of the above is subject to change at any time, without notice.


  1. That is why moms need a union! Fair working conditions!!!! Solidarity now!!!!!

  2. Why do kids hate broken food? It just makes no sense to me....

  3. Hilarious. Though I imagine the last line about everything being subject to change at any time should be in bright, BOLD letters!