Kargas Inc Code Of Conduct.
Dear Kargas Inc Employees,
Thank for your time at our last all staff. Based on the fact that several employees were shoving fingers in their ears while humming "I can't hear you" and no noticeable changes have resulted from our meeting I am concerned that my points did not come across. In an effort to be very clear about company expectations I have created a Code Of Conduct. I expect you to read these over until committed to memory. For staff members who are unable to read, we are working on an animated tutorial featuring Spongebob, Dora and Bart Simpson.
- In this company all staff members deserve to be treated with respect. From this point forward if I witness name calling, physical threats, door slamming or eye rolling, I will take a 30 minute break in my personal office with a bottle of wine.
- Regarding our company's eating areas, it is imperative that all staff members wear pants to meals. In addition, as you know the restroom is located directly adjacent to the common eating area. It is required that you close the door when using the facility.
- While we here at Kargas Inc appreciate artistic expression it is not acceptable to carve tick-tack-toe games into fine furniture, or to use permanent marker on clothing, walls, body parts, floors, furniture or bedding.
- In order to reduce the risk of a rat infestation we request that you do not leave cups of milk or half eaten sandwiches in hidden places throughout the facility.
- Please remember that I am the CEO of this company, not Stupid-Idiot-Jerk-Snot-Butt-Fart. Please call me "Mom" "Boss" or "Our Queen."
- Our current finances due not allow for us to hire an entire kitchen staff. Thus, we will require you eat the meal that is provided. We assure you that you will not die from the consumption of lasagna, vegetable soup or chicken teriyaki. While senior leadership do not possess culinary degrees, we are trained in food safety and we have yet to kill anyone with our cooking.
- Please take pride in your environment. Office space and furnishings are expensive. Please refrain from destroying company property whenever possible. We realize that our big screen tv was recently "accidentally" smashed when a Wii controller was inadvertently hurled at it after a lost game of Super Mario Brothers Galaxy, but please, please lets have fewer accidents.
Please note that this list is fluid and we reserve the right to continually amend and add to our code of conduct.
Thank you for your time.
With Little Hope Of Real Change,
Mom, CEO, Queen, Boss.