So we are in the midst of the High Holidays. Today in fact, most of my fellow MOT's are in synagogue. They will fast. They will reflect. They will repent.I don't belong to a temple. I don't observe most of the Jewish holidays. Over the past few years I have made half-hearted attempts to embrace Jewish culture and tradition mostly because I wanted to share this with my children. Zachary and Evan attended a Jewish preschool. Each year we light the menorah, I have taken the boys solo to family friendly Rosh Hashanah services and we have attempted to create something that resembles a seder.
But this year, on the holiest of Jewish holidays, Yom Kippur, I sit at home. We had soccer this morning. Errands to run. My husband is in Kansas City for the weekend. And in all honestly, I have had a pretty lousy week.
Monday, I rear ended a truck. Yes. It was my fault.
Thursday a visit to the orthopedist resulted in orders for an MRI, which will likely reveal that my ankle has not properly healed and I will require surgery.
Friday morning after discussing a variety of symptoms at my annual physical my doctor informed me that I am in fact probably in peri-menopause. She said something about my ovaries petering out. Drying up. I received orders for my first mammogram and a bone density scan. Welcome to FORTY.
Friday afternoon, my boss called me and basically told me that I am being replaced by a local recruiter, and that the remote situation was not meeting the business needs. It came as a surprise as I had felt very good about work in the past couple of months.
And my husband is in Kansas City.
So I was prepared to be in poor spirits this weekend. In no mood for services. In no mood to repent for my sins when it feels like this whole week has been one punishment after the next.
At 11:00 last night as I lay awake, unable to find sleep once again, I started thinking. Perhaps the timing of all of this couldn't be more perfect. Whether I like it or not circumstances have pushed me into a time of change and uncertainty. I can bury my head under the covers and cry, or I can embrace a new start and learn from my experiences. I can reflect on what I have done in this past year to contribute to my misfortune, and I can admit to myself what I need to work on in the coming year.
This new year is full of opportunity. In addition to the mistakes I have made in the past twelve months, I have also done some pretty awesome shit. I have made strides in understanding where I excel professionally, and now I will have the chance to follow my passions. I have learned a great deal about self acceptance, and I can live more comfortably with my perceived "flaws." I have opened my mind in many ways which I believe will ultimately open myself up to greater happiness.
Although not I'm not in synagogue, I believe this weekend I have embraced the spirit of the this holy day, perhaps more than in any year past.
So I wish my friends and family Shana Tova, a sweet New Year, and G'mar Chatima Tova, may you be inscribed for goodness.
Shana Tovah! I think sometimes that there's a sliding scale of Jewish consciousness. There are people who aren't even aware it's the holiday, after all. Being aware it's the holiday, having some guilt, right or not, about not being in synagogue, and engaging in self-reflection is not the absolute worst way to observe the holiday. If you need a little engagement without too much commitment, I highly recommend Chabad. They will welcome you with open arms, have very fun activities for kids, and assume no prior knowledge. And there's one everywhere. My family could not be more intermarried and biracial and yet Chabad has opened its doors to my great nieces and my intermarried nieces (and their husbands!) in such a loving way that there's no doubt in my mind that they are great mensches! A sweet year!
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