Saturday, April 13, 2013

Mother & Son

Today was one of those really, really good days. In my last post "The Carrot" I wrote about the sadness I felt when I was overlooked in my eldest son Zachary's school essays. He wrote about the fun that he had with his father, and I felt left out and forgotten.  I vowed to make some special mommy/Zachary time. Make memories, make connections.

Today we did just that. It could not have been any better.

My seven year old and I left brothers and dad at home and spent an afternoon together, outside, hiking and playing frisbee. It was fantastic.

Holding the tiny flower, picked just for me!
I'll admit I was a bit nervous as we head out for the twenty minute drive to Robert's Park. I felt a significant amount of pressure, I had to make this as fun as it would be with dad. I am so different than my husband. We interact with our children differently, and I am afraid that I am just....not as fun.

As it turns out, I'm just different fun. We talked as we walked through the redwoods, about school and friends. We noticed interesting plants, sticks and flowers. We listened to the drip, drip of the almost dry "stream" and the call of unknown birds. We happened upon a random pack of lamas lead by an evangelical preacher, and told silly jokes. We played a silly game involving kicking a tiny rock down the path and earning points for bounces and distance.  We played frisbee in an open field, congratulating each other on "good moves" and encouraging one another after "bad plays."

Zachary, who is not always very affectionate gave me unsolicited hugs and even picked an itty-bitty flower just for his mama.

I realize that times like this will be critical for our long term relationship.  It is so very easy to become the mother that packs the lunches, washes the sheets and checks the homework but that role simply falls short. I want to be the mom that he talks to, is silly with and has fun with. I want to be part of the colorful childhood memories he collects and savors for a lifetime. And I want to share his joy. I want to notice sticks that are shaped like letters, animals (and yes guns), I want to live in this beautiful moment of youth and innocence with   him. No longer simply facilitating, I want to participate.

Zack and I made a deal today. At least one day per month will be our day. We will hike, go to movies, shows, museums and even on sushi dates. Just he and I. Mother and son.


  1. What a beautiful post! Gets beyond son vs. daughter to having fun and connecting with your child.

  2. I absolutely agree - I have been thinking the same thing about my three girls. When am I not shuttling, cleaning, cajoling...always in packs of 3 it seems. This will be my goal too!

  3. love this...mama/son dates. I already feel like I am the "not fun" parent and my boy is only 21 months. we go to the park and he points to the slide and says, "dada, dada, dada - UP!" because I am too pregnant to crawl up and go down the twisty slides and zigzag through all the bustling kiddos...and he knows it. Sigh. This post makes me want to take a hike! :D

  4. so sweet. glad you got some special time with him.

  5. Awesome, great follow up! I need to do that more, and rotate it through the boys. It's so different doing one on one time.

  6. Love this post. It's exactly how I feel about my boy. I have to make time to earn his love. It's a bond that needs attention but when it get's that attention (surprisingly doesn't take much) the rewards are heavenly. Thanks for reminding me what kind of relationship I want with him as he grows!