Yoga Mama

I have wanted to blog, however lately it has been a choice, sleep or blog, eat or blog, spend time with children or blog. Clearly blogging has lost. At this moment I am typing with one hand and holding/nursing Julian with the other, so please do not expect anything brilliant.

As it turns out each of my babies have been progressively more challenging. Julian sleeps poorly at night and needs to be held most of the day. Come to my house between 5 and 10 pm and you will quickly understand why I an going through so much Zinfandel. Screaming baby. Fighting boys. Dinner. Laundry. Lunches to pack. There are so many "what was I thinking?" moments.

I have had many ideas for blog posts. Today I want to write about my first yoga class, although
I know, under the current circumstances I will not do it justice. The super quick run down-

I have never done yoga. I have no core strength or flexibility. I don't meditate, it's just not my thing, but I thought when in the Berkeley area, why not? Plus, after three c-sections my stomach bares a strong resemblance to jello.

I decided to try out a mom/baby yoga class today. I was prepared for a mild work out. I was not prepared for an hour long therapy/support group session, which is what I got. Ordinarily this would have been fine with me, except that I was anticipating and looking forward to physical exercise!

I was greeted by the teacher. She was pleasant, welcoming, warm, but not fit. She showed me how to get set up. The other mothers arrived, some looking rather worn and stressed out. There were about a half a dozen of us with babies ranging from 4-8 weeks. Most of the mother's were first timers. I was the only mama of three.

There was one "baby holder" who held Julian for about an hour. The first thing we did was a "check in" which ended up lasting about an hour. We went around the circle and introduced ourselves. I expected "Hi, I'm Rachel. This is Julian, he is seven weeks old. This is my first yoga experience."

Nope. Instead, most women spoke for ten minutes, several bursting into desperate tears. The instructor was kind and handed out words of support and encouragement. I on the other hand, bounced my knee in frustration. This is great, I thought, it really is, for a first time mom's support group. But I came for yoga, and quite honestly with three kids, I find myself in a much, much different place than these women.

I know it's wrong, but a part of me wants to yell-"Think it's hard now? Come over to my house, you will feel SO MUCH BETTER"

What I recognize however is that many of these women are coping with post-partum issues, depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. This is a great place for them, yet I feel out of place.

I will go back. I enjoyed the small intro to yoga that I received. Maybe I will be converted. Maybe I'll end up with abs of steel.

Maybe.