Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Red lights ahead

Keeping things in perspective, I just read an article in People magazine about a woman who lost all four of her limbs due to a rare, deadly case of strep. This happened just after she gave birth to her third child. Clearly this is terrible misfortune. There are homeless families, people without enough food to eat, a country torn apart by natural disaster.

I get it, I have it good.

And yet.... I complain. Human nature? My nature? What can I say? I suppose we all have our own reality, experiences and feelings. So please forgive me. I know that I am fortunate. I count my blessings.

But I'm in a bit of a funk.

On my drive home from a play date at a Berkeley park it felt as if I caught every single red light. I had two tired, hungry kids in the backseat and I was trying to get them home and fed before a rare dinner date with a friend. But I couldn't get anywhere. Like a bad dream, I got stopped at every traffic light. And I thought to myself, what a metaphor for my life these days.

Take work for example, I am on a stretch of terrible "luck." Nothing seems to go my way. I feel like I hear no about 100 times each day. It's getting annoying and disheartening. I am starting to feel as though I am cursed, even a failure.

My dinner date tonight? I was meeting one of the few good friends that I have made while living in California. She is the kind of person I feel like I can really be myself with. She is fun, and best of all she actually makes time for me. She's moving. Of course she is. I am so discouraged I feel like throwing in the towel. I feel like screaming "Uncle! I give up!" Making a social network and true friendships in a new place is not easy, and my progress seems to be incredibly slow. My friend's move feels like another red light.

I could go on, but it's boring. This is probably one of those posts I should refrain from putting out there, but then again, I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll awake with a better attitude. The sun will be shining. I'll feel grateful for what I have. Perhaps I'll even catch a few green lights.


  1. It absolutely stinks when friend's move. I hate it. And I have really bad luck with good friends moving. In fact both my husband and I have lost nearly ALL of our friends in the past three years to moves. So, I'm with you on that! That and bad work stuff thrown in with a pregnancy can lead to funk and it's okay. It's not like you are going to get stuck in it or anything. On a side note, when you wrote about going to a Berkeley park I thought you were back here for a visit. I never recognized the coincidence of you moving somewhere with the same name as one of our highland's neighborhoods.

  2. I totally hear you - making friends (real connections, not "let's have lunch sometime" connections) is tough. It took me a good three years to feel at home here, and 3 years after that, I have it good.

  3. Having good friends close is key for women so no wonder everything else is getting you down. Plus you are probably in the third trimester when the energising hormones start to wane? All I can say is surrender to the friend situation. Be sad about it and know it's not forever. Hang in.

  4. Wow, I can relate with the friends thing. Most of my friends back home have drifted away from the distance, and we never live anywhere long enough to make many meaningful relationships. Disheartening, yes!

    I have days where I catch every red light with hungry, crying kids in the car. It's enough to give up! But I really hope that your luck gets better!

  5. Ooooh! I'm sorry. Yup, it's me. My fault. And I know exactly how you feel as I went through it several years ago when my best friend who I moved out to SF with (from Vermont) moved back to VT. I lost the only bit of family I had had out here. Really hard. I did bounce back and I made new friends, but I've always missed her. It takes time to make real, time-tested, full-trust-on-a-platter friendships. We were lucky we hit it off so well right away. And I will be very sorry to lose you when I leave. And I'm sorry to make you sad right now. But I KNOW you will meet some wonderful women out here. You are extremely open, engaging and outgoing and you take advantage of opportunities to meet and get to know people. And you are fun! A very key ingredient.
    All so crazy.
    We'll talk soon...

  6. It's these kinds of weeks that makes the good stuff look really good...hang in there!

  7. Hi Rachel, I just found your blog and am following! I'm so sorry you're in a funk right now. I'm sort of feeling the same way though I really have nothing to complain about, but like you, I hope next week will bring about brighter days!

  8. Oh wow-now I feel guilty. We do deserve to have some self pity sometimes-even though there are people with worse lives then us. Dont feel bad!

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  9. I feel like bad/annoying stuff always happens in waves. Before you know it, all lights ahead will be green!

  10. The stretches of life where nothing seems to go right are tough to get through. Hope this one passes quickly.