Red lights ahead

Keeping things in perspective, I just read an article in People magazine about a woman who lost all four of her limbs due to a rare, deadly case of strep. This happened just after she gave birth to her third child. Clearly this is terrible misfortune. There are homeless families, people without enough food to eat, a country torn apart by natural disaster.

I get it, I have it good.

And yet.... I complain. Human nature? My nature? What can I say? I suppose we all have our own reality, experiences and feelings. So please forgive me. I know that I am fortunate. I count my blessings.

But I'm in a bit of a funk.

On my drive home from a play date at a Berkeley park it felt as if I caught every single red light. I had two tired, hungry kids in the backseat and I was trying to get them home and fed before a rare dinner date with a friend. But I couldn't get anywhere. Like a bad dream, I got stopped at every traffic light. And I thought to myself, what a metaphor for my life these days.

Take work for example, I am on a stretch of terrible "luck." Nothing seems to go my way. I feel like I hear no about 100 times each day. It's getting annoying and disheartening. I am starting to feel as though I am cursed, even a failure.

My dinner date tonight? I was meeting one of the few good friends that I have made while living in California. She is the kind of person I feel like I can really be myself with. She is fun, and best of all she actually makes time for me. She's moving. Of course she is. I am so discouraged I feel like throwing in the towel. I feel like screaming "Uncle! I give up!" Making a social network and true friendships in a new place is not easy, and my progress seems to be incredibly slow. My friend's move feels like another red light.

I could go on, but it's boring. This is probably one of those posts I should refrain from putting out there, but then again, I have always worn my heart on my sleeve.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll awake with a better attitude. The sun will be shining. I'll feel grateful for what I have. Perhaps I'll even catch a few green lights.