It's Friday evening. I'm still here. I did survive. Somehow or another I made it through the dreaded three hour glucose test. I drank the thick sludge ("berry" flavored this time.) I sat in an uncomfortable chair in the lab for what felt like eternity and endured four blood draws. I'm still standing. I know what your thinking...just how did she do it? Super-power mama strength I suppose.
Now I wait for the results. Wish me luck. My biggest fear is that I'll have gestational diabetes and some well-meaning nutritionist will inform me that my grande decaf mocha's are off the table. How I will mourn. They have been the one pure indulgence of this pregnancy. Without my Starbucks, I got nothin'.
On the bright side only seven weeks to go. Less than two months. I am ready. I have baby on the brain. Last night the husband and I toured the hospital where I will deliver. When making the rounds on the labor and delivery floor I saw women in labor, women wheeling bassinets with brand new babies, and proud new dads on their cell phones. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of.... jealousy. It isn't as if I want the baby to arrive too early, it's just that I would be more than happy to press the fast-forward button and magically transport to my delivery date. I'm ready to hold my newborn in my arms. I'm ready to see the color of his eyes and the shape of his tiny nose. I am ready for those first few tender days in the hospital, the kind nurses bringing me juice and pain killers, everyone smiling and well-wishing. The very beginning of a life. I'm ready.
I admit it. I am also ready to not be pregnant anymore. To kiss the acid reflux and bloody noses goodbye. To sleep on my tummy and have more energy. To have my body back, fit into normal clothes, drink wine and eat raw sushi. Will I miss any of this? I suppose I will miss feeling the baby move inside me. Our special bond, where he is mine and mine alone. I am all that my baby needs. Me. Once I give birth, my son is given to the world and every day that passes I will need to let him go just a little bit more. Zachary is living proof that they grow up fast. Too damn fast.
I decided to take a trip down memory lane and show Zachary our first moments together, for he was once a my newborn too.....