As employees of Kargas Inc, it is time once again for your bi-annual performance evaluations. This time I have conducted a 360 degree assessment and gathered feedback from your peers, as well as your supervisors at Kargas Inc and the JCC.
Overall everyone is very pleased with your performance. You have made great strides in the past six months. Your communication skills while not yet polished, have improved greatly. Your supervisor at the JCC indicated that you are a joy to work with, that you embrace teamwork with your peers and that you rarely resort to physical violence. All good things. Your coworker at home unfortunately told a somewhat different story, indicating that you are generally annoying and bothersome. I took this feedback with a grain of salt knowing the source personally. While we do not yet believe that you are ready for a promotion, the management staff here including myself, is proud of you. There are some areas we would like you to focus on developing over the next several months. First and foremost, and I realize that this is a highly personal matter, we often notice that a strong odor accompanies you wherever you go. This is probably due to the fact that you continue to wear diapers. You have six months to get this situation under control. No additional diapers will be purchased for you after that time. Additionally, we encourage you to expand your interests outside of firetrucks, Spongebob Squarepants and Lighting McQueen, there is a whole world out there Evan, spread your wings, explore new horizons.
This past six months you have acquired a plethora of new skills, and we could not be more proud of these accomplishments. You now have the ability to read basic correspondence, and while we will not be putting you in finance any time soon, you have learned to grasp simple arithmetic. Good job. We also understand that you are forming some key partnerships with some of your colleagues at the JCC, this is wonderful. We do unfortunately also have some concerns. It has come to our attention that your conflict resolution skills need some improvement. For example, when problems arise with our junior staff member screeching "You're a poopy head" at the top of your lungs is not an appropriate response. Similarly, threatening to run away when your supervisors provide you with constructive criticism is not acceptable behavior. We need to see some serious changes in this area if you are to advance to the next level at Kargas Inc. We would also truly appreciate it if you would bring in additional income to the organization. With your affinity for toys and your tendency to outgrow or destroy perfectly good apparel, you are quite good at spending, however you have yet to contribute to Kargas Inc. financially. Please make an effort to increase our earnings.
Evan & Zachary we sincerely appreciate your continued efforts. We look forward to the months to come and believe they will bring you much success.
Mommy & Daddy