Dear Tummy

Dear Tummy,

Thank you. I am forever in your debt. You gave me two beautiful children. Tummy, you provided a safe home and nourishment to my babies before they were even born. You created life. I have endless gratitude for you.

Love,
me.

Dear Tummy,

Would you please go away? I hate you. You repulse me. All your roundness. Your mushiness. You have no sense of style. You are not at all fashionable. Please I just want you to disappear.

Go bother Paris Hilton for a while. I am sure she has never met anyone quite like you.

Respectfully,
me.


Dear Tummy,

You deserve a medal. You stretched to an inhuman shape and accommodated an almost 8 pound baby. You survived two c-sections and still function normally. You are truly amazing.

With admiration,
me

Dear Tummy,

Don't you see you embarrass me? I do everything I can to hide you. I try to disguise you with loose fitting blouses. I have experimented with every type of denim available, yet there you are. You give away all my dirty secrets. You are happy to display every ounce of weight I gain. You show my lack of discipline, you have to tell everyone that I just can't seem to stick to sit-ups and that I have no interest in yoga and Pilate's. You're such a blabber mouth.

Please Tummy, please you're not wanted here.

Please do not try to contact me again,
me

Dear Tummy,

I understand that we are stuck together for better or for worse. It seems that you are unwilling to leave me, and my children still have a fondness for you-you make a nice pillow. We are going to have to find a way to coexist. Maybe we can strike a compromise. I will try to love you more, if you could try to take up just a little less space.

Peace,
me