I awake in the middle of the night. Thirsty. I reach over for the call button, but all I see is my alarm clock, a stack of dirty burp clothes and an empty water bottle. Damn it. I forgot. I'm home. There is no night nurse to fill me up with narcotics and an icy cold beverage. If I want a drink I have to either a) awaken the sleeping baby laying peacefully on my chest or b) awaken the snoring, crabby husband lying next to me. Guess I'll go without.
Julian is nine days old today. Nine whole days have past since he took his first breath. He has gained 3 ounces since his birth. He will only get bigger. Why must it go so fast? I wish that I could have simply pressed the "pause button" and stayed in that beautiful time right after delivery a bit longer. Let's be honest, my stay at the hospital is as close to a vacation as I am going to get for a long, long time. Heck for a woman like me with a house full of chaos, my room at Alta Bates was basically a spa. A reclining bed, with a remote control attached. 24/7 nurses who, like angels attended to my every need. Everyone who saw me greeted me with a cheerful "congratulations!" and looked at my baby with admiring eyes. I had nothing more to do than stare lovingly at my newborn and nurse him 20 time a day.
Now I feel it slipping away... before I know it he will be walking, talking, testing limits, hitting, throwing tantrums, telling me he hates me, reading, sneaking R-rated movies, driving, drinking, graduating, moving far away, ignoring my calls, getting married to a woman who hates me, having babies and putting me in a home.
Damn it kid. Hold still. Stay little. Don't grow up too fast.
It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was wishing time away. Every hour seemed to last an eternity as I awaited the arrival of my Ju-Ju Bean. Well now that he is here time seems to be moving too fast. Hold still. I just want to enjoy this time a little longer. Hold still.