Thursday, June 9, 2011

Hold Still

I awake in the middle of the night. Thirsty. I reach over for the call button, but all I see is my alarm clock, a stack of dirty burp clothes and an empty water bottle. Damn it. I forgot. I'm home. There is no night nurse to fill me up with narcotics and an icy cold beverage. If I want a drink I have to either a) awaken the sleeping baby laying peacefully on my chest or b) awaken the snoring, crabby husband lying next to me. Guess I'll go without.

Julian is nine days old today. Nine whole days have past since he took his first breath. He has gained 3 ounces since his birth. He will only get bigger. Why must it go so fast? I wish that I could have simply pressed the "pause button" and stayed in that beautiful time right after delivery a bit longer. Let's be honest, my stay at the hospital is as close to a vacation as I am going to get for a long, long time. Heck for a woman like me with a house full of chaos, my room at Alta Bates was basically a spa. A reclining bed, with a remote control attached. 24/7 nurses who, like angels attended to my every need. Everyone who saw me greeted me with a cheerful "congratulations!" and looked at my baby with admiring eyes. I had nothing more to do than stare lovingly at my newborn and nurse him 20 time a day.

Now I feel it slipping away... before I know it he will be walking, talking, testing limits, hitting, throwing tantrums, telling me he hates me, reading, sneaking R-rated movies, driving, drinking, graduating, moving far away, ignoring my calls, getting married to a woman who hates me, having babies and putting me in a home.

Damn it kid. Hold still. Stay little. Don't grow up too fast.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that I was wishing time away. Every hour seemed to last an eternity as I awaited the arrival of my Ju-Ju Bean. Well now that he is here time seems to be moving too fast. Hold still. I just want to enjoy this time a little longer. Hold still.


  1. Julian is so cute! I love your life synopsis! So fast!

  2. I love it when they sleep on you. Eytan especially loves it since he gets away with saying for two hours "I can't help you. I can't do dishes. I'm trapped."

    I also worry about it going so fast - my big girl is starting first grade soon. Shortly, she'll be sneaking mini skirts and blue eyeshadow in her bag for school, I know it. My biggest request of the universe is that each of them finds someone who loves them and treats them well - and doesn't hate me.

  3. Oh, you're killing me! I don't like to think about how I didn't enjoy it enough. Yes, hit the pause button. By the way, it's not fair that you look that good nine days after giving birth. I always looked like someone had run me over with a truck and then dumped some really bad hair and clothing on me.

  4. *Pause button*

    He is adorable... and time just goes so fast. So cliché... for a reason :)

  5. He's gorgeous. And I know what you mean about the first days at the hospital. I remember my 5 days there post-partum fondly! Oh they do grow so fast.

  6. I remember the first time the nurse at Madison General brought you in to nurse. I said to myself "I have a Rachel!". It really was a magical moment that feels like it happened yesterday ( well maybe the day before yesterday). Are you thinking of a "home" for me yet?

  7. Congrats, Rachel! What a gorgeous photo of both of you.