Tuesday, April 6, 2010

That was then....

I own it. I watch the Millionaire Matchmaker. Like watching a traffic accident, you just can't turn away. Rich guys. Beautiful, beautiful, young women. It stings a little. The fact that a) I will never have that much money and b) I will never be that beautiful or that young again.

There was a time where I was a pretty young thing. No really. I surprised myself. I came out of high school feeling rejected unattractive and insecure. I spent most of my teenage years longing for a boy who had no interest. I came out of my senior year crushed, and emerged into a world where I became Miss Thing. I was cute. I was a flirt. I walked through the bar and noticed as boys turned their heads. I ate it up. And then, I fell in love at 18. I was a faithful girlfriend mind you, but I still enjoyed and relied on the attention.

Over the years things have changed. I have changed. For obvious reasons. I became a mother. I have gotten older. I don't go to bars. I do not remember the last time I have noticed a man looking at me. I know that is okay. But don't we all want to think we still have it? Disagree? You are lying.

I hate it. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing 35, almost 36, and knowing...it only gets worse. Those laugh lines will only run deeper. That tummy, it ain't getting any tighter. I have peaked and I am on the way down. I don't have the funds for a botex or plastic surgery, and in theory I don't believe in any of it. But yet....I want to cling to youth and beauty as much as any of these "superficial" ladies on Bravo.

So no, I am no different than the pretty girls on reality television, just a little more shall we say...real.

1 comment:

  1. I remember when you and I were in Greece together and the men shouted to me. Only they were saying "I want to marry your daughter!" I knew it wasn't about me anymore. P.S. I was about 50 at the time - so you have a few more years to go!