Monday, April 12, 2010

Adding a little punch to my day.

Ahh, public transportation, it attracts the best, and the worst in our society. There are all kinds of folks on the bay area's BART. It is an eclectic collection of rowdy students, polished executives, confused tourists, weary travelers schlepping large suitcases and drunks snoring away while taking up two seats on an already crowded train. Most of the time we all travel in harmony. No, we don't all like each other, but we do a good job of ignoring one another.

There are exceptions. Today was one of them. The husband and I got on a packed train this morning. We were forced to stand and found a spot next to some harmless looking commuters. As it turns out there was a BART fight brewing, and we had located ourselves just inches away. Let me paint the picture for you.

In this corner we have an obnoxious teenage girl and her boyfriend eating a mess of sunflower seeds and dropping the shells on the floor, as if we were at an outdoor barbecue. Shells weren't the only thing dropping. The girl was loudly whipping out the "f-bomb" and other unsavory language at every possible turn.

In this corner we have uptight, but outspoken middle age professional woman who was not about to put up with a fellow BART customer littering our public transportation system with sunflower seed shells and curse words.

Ding Ding Ding. Round One.

Uptight Professional Chick: "Clean it up! This isn't your home. You can't leave a mess like that. And nobody wants to hear that kind of language."

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen: "Are you talking to me, bitc*??" "Shut the f-up, bitc*, I can do whatever I want. I am hungry. Who are you to tell me?"

Uptight Professional Chick: "We all have to ride this train, we don't need people like you making a disgusting mess! Clean it up, and clean up your language!"

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen: "Bitc* are you talking to me? None of your business bitch*, mother f-bomb."

Uptight Professional Chick: "It is my business, because I ride this train and I don't want to see that mess, or listen to you talk that way, you need to clean up your act!"

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen: Stands up, leans over her seat towards Uptight Professional Chick.

Uptight Professional Chick stands up.

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen: "You better get up outta my face." She puts her hand up about one inch in front of her opponents face.

Me: Tries to back out of harms way. Thinks to myself: Please, nobody have a pocket knife!

Random Dude on the BART : "Cut it out! Come on! Just settle down"

Both "ladies" sit down.

Boyfriend of Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen "Ha Ha!!! Y'all made my day. That dumb bitc* trying to tell you what to do that is some entertainment!"

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen : Laughs, eats more sunflower seed and tosses the shells to floor. "Stupid F-ing bitc*" (As you can see this gal has an amazing vocabulary)

Uptight Professional Chick: "You are completely disrespectful, who taught you to swear that way?

Me: Thinks to self, will this lady just let it go? Clearly she is not going to convince the teenager to change her misguided ways.

Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen: Stands up again.

Uptight Professional Chick: Stands up again.

Me: Backs away, finds a seat that just opened up. Relief.

Enter: Serious Looking Police Woman and barking police dog. Hallelujah!!!

Ding Ding Ding Round Two.

A random passenger whispers into the Serious Looking Police Woman's ear.

Serious Looking Police Woman makes her way back toward the Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen and spies the huge mess of sunflower seeds on the floor.

Serious Looking Police Woman (to the teen): "Are you messing with these signs?" She points to the "No eating" sign directly above the girl.

Obnoxious -Litter -Bug -Teen : "Huh?"

Uptight Professional Chick: "These two have been eating and verbally assaulting me this whole trip!"

Serious Looking Police Woman: "Alright you two are going to have to get off with me at the next stop. I am going to site you with this".

Obnoxious -Litter- Bug -Teen: " That isn't right. That lady has been verbally assaulting us the whole time!"

Serious Looking Police Woman turns to crowd. "Does anybody want to make a CA? A citizen's arrest?"

We all look down at our laps. We just want to get to work, not that watching this unfolding drama isn't thoroughly entertaining....

The train is now delayed ten minutes while the officer awaits backup support at the next stop. Finally Obnoxious Litter-Bug-Teen, her boyfriend and the The Serious Looking Police Woman exit the car.

It isn't over yet.

Ding Ding Ding.... Round Three.

Self -Righteous Law Student moves to sit behind Uptight Professional Chick. She has a bone to pick.

Self -Righteous Law Student: "Was that really worth it, getting those kids in trouble? Do you have any idea what is going to happen to them now? I am studying law, so I know that there are going to consequences for that girl, getting arrested."

Uptight Professional Chick: "Are you kidding me? Look at that mess! We shouldn't have to put up with that."

Self -Righteous Law Student: "How are those seeds hurting you? Haven't you ever seen a mess before? Are you some kind of preschooler getting all worked up like that?

Uptight Professional Chick: "Littering hurts all of us, we have to pay higher taxes, so that they can hire janitors to clean up that mess."

Self -Righteous Law Student: "Oh come on, now those kids are going to have fines and a record, and you are just going to go on with your day. You should think about your actions"

The two continue to go at it, however we move into the tunnel and the noise of the moving train drowns out their voices. I can see that they are going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until we arrive at my stop.

I exit the train, grateful that I made it to my destination unharmed and thinking to myself, at least I have some blog material.


  1. Great entry! Good way to start the day!

  2. Laughing out loud. Thanks for sharing.

  3. awesome ! i am glad i wasn't there but you were (just so you could share !)

  4. i grew up in lafayette, so bart is a familiar creature to me. it used to be a nice way to get around the bay area. that has sadly changed. at least your commute is not boring...

  5. I LOVE your BLOG! Such great writing, what a story!