Mean Girl

I admit it I can be a wee bit judgmental sometimes. I try so hard not to be, but it appears to be part of my nature. Perhaps judgemental is the wrong word. It is just that with ten years of experience interviewing people and determining "job fit" within a course of an hour, I like to think that I have learned to read folks pretty well. Within a few minutes of meeting a new person I can usually determine whether or not we have any chance of being friends.





But I try. I try to keep an open mind. Okay, so she is an attachment parenting fanatic who plans to breastfeed until baby turns four, and who spent the previous five years living in an yurt eating only raw foods and she turns her nose up to alcohol, she could be nice. But wait. She doesn't drink and I could never invite her over for fear that she would discover my giant stash of Oscar Myer hot dogs in the fridge. And, did I mention that she doesn't drink?





I know that I should try harder. Variety is the spice of life. We need to embrace diversity. It takes all kinds. You get the idea, and so do I. I try to live by those values, but sometimes, I am still, shall we say caddy?





Today is a perfect example. I was at the Y headed to the locker rooms for a quick shower, when I passed by the dance studio where they hold group classes. Some days it is salsa or hip hop, or it might be yoga our step aerobics. Today, I have no idea what they were doing. The group was comprised of the usual suspects, the retired and fit grandmas, the sleepy stay at home moms there to simply get away from their kids for an hour, and a few skinny spastic hard-cores dancing circles around everyone else. Some sort of Caribbean inspired music was playing, and the women were engaged in for lack of a better word, free-form "dance". As I watched, I tried to have the appropriate response. Good for them, there they are expressing themselves, moving their bodies, being active, dancing without any noticeable sense of self consciousness.

But then... was that middle aged white woman doing some sort of bizarre African variation of the electric slide? The evil thoughts started to creep in. Did that overweight lady with the face tattoo really think she was getting exercise by bouncing (ever so slightly) up and down with her hands clasped in front in prayer? Why doesn't that skinny blond just go for a run rather than race back and forth across the room flapping her arms? These people looked... ridiculous. Seriously. Every now and then someone would yell out a "whoop" of encouragement to one of her buddies. They would be better off to look at their dancing friends and tell them honestly to stop. They are embarrassing themselves. Don't they see that??

Apparently not. And good for them.

I'm the mean girl. I am the one who should feel ashamed.

But c'mon.....

Cheers, a cliche

Shout out to the mamas...

To the mamas who never get a lunch break.

To the mamas who never go to happy hour.

To the mamas who never see free donuts in the break room.

To the mamas who never get a bonus.

To the mamas who never get a promotion or an "employee of the month" award.

To the mamas who don't get a shower without small hands grabbing at wet legs from behind the shower curtain.

To the mamas reporting to the gym for thirty minute workout, praying that the daycare center doesn't interrupt and beckon them back to the line of duty.

To the mamas who start the day before 7am but cannot seem to get a cup of coffee down before 9.

To the mamas who feel that their work is never done.

It's a tough job, and someone has to do it.... lucky for all of us... it's you. (and you and you and you.) So cheers to you, strong mamas. Kick back with a cold one, a stiff one, or a sparkly one. But, please just no sippy cups.

Staff Meeting

Continuing on the make believe track, stick with me here.

Kargas Inc: MANDATORY All-Staff Meeting.

In attendance:
President: Mommy
CFO: Daddy
Senior Staff Member: Zachary
Intern: Evan
Secretary: Bascom
Facilities Manager: Wiggum
Janitor: Flanders

Meeting notes:

Mommy: We have called together this meeting to address several pressing matters that I can no longer ignore.

• First, the budget. As our CFO recently informed me, it is time for us to tighten our belts. We have been overspending, and honestly, this staff is simply not bringing in any income. Due to some government regulations we are unable to reduce costs with a staff reduction for at least 14 years. With the exception of the support staff, your jobs are secure, but we are all going to have to do our part. Our action items are as follows: 1) We are changing our cereal supplier. We can no longer afford the premium General Mill's "Honey Nut Cheerios", we have found a new vendor who is considerably less expensive. We will now be purchasing "Taste-O's" exclusively, effective immediately. 2) Previous plans for a team building event/incentive trip to Disney World have been scraped. Instead we will have a staff party at "Tot Land". This gathering is for senior staff and interns only. No support staff will be invited. Light refreshments will be served (remember the Taste-Os?). 3) Within one year we hope to seriously reduce our paper costs and will cease all investments in Pampers, Huggies or any related companies.
• Second it has come to my attention that there have been some inter-departmental communication and cooperation problems. This is unacceptable. We are one company, and one team, and we must start acting as such. The primary concern stems from resource sharing. Due to the budget crisis, we simply cannot continue to spend, spend, spend. We will not be purchasing any additional bedroom, playroom or outdoor supplies until further notice. Our CFO and I will be working closely to determine when we are able to resume purchasing additional resources. In the mean time we are demanding your cooperation in sharing our current toys, art supplies and stickers. Disciplinary action will be taken to those who are not utilizing resources appropriately.
• Next, we are having some serious scheduling issues. Primarily, the work day will begin promptly at 7:00am. For those of you who wish to report in earlier, you may do so, but please be aware that Supervisors will not be available, and facilities will be limited. (The kitchen does not open until 7:30am). As required by law, when working a 13 hour day it is mandatory that all employees take at least a sixty minute break. We will incur serious fines if nap/quite times are not adhered to.
• Finally it is time to work smarter, not just harder. The CFO and I have spent hours reviewing our time management and have determined that a significant amount of hours are wasted on laundry and dish washing in this operation . We feel that we can be far more efficient. Going forward, all clothing items, with the exception of undergarments must be worn twice before being laundered. This means that I expect each and everyone of you to monitor your personal use of stain producing products such as ketchup, chocolate frosting, and finger paints. In addition, it is not acceptable to simply take dishes out of drawers for the sake of play. Dishes may only be utilized at designated meal times.

That summarizes my comments. I hope you will think thoughtfully about this discussion, and determine what you can personally do to make Kargas Inc a more profitable organization. Any questions?

Serves me right

My husband and I run on the weekend. That is what we do. Now when I say run, I should specify that I jog, slowly. But I go. Most Saturday and Sunday mornings I get out there and move my body for at least 30 minutes. I know, sign me up for the Olympics now. Sure, I could do more, and recently I have started to go the Y an additional two times a week to use the elliptical machine or the treadmill, yet I would hardly call myself an athlete.





So this morning I surprised myself. I drained my morning coffee put on my running shoes and peaked out my front door. Rain. Well, light sprinkling really, but it could have been an easy out. I could have traded my sneakers for slippers without an ounce of guilt. But instead, I shrugged my shoulders and told myself, how bad could it be?





At first it was quite lovely. Running in cool air with light mist on my face. All of the colors made more vivid with moisture. The streets were fairly empty, but I jogged passed cafes packed with the Sunday morning crowds of coffee drinkers and brunch lovers. It felt cozy to peak into a morning that I used to know pre-kids. As I trudged on the rain started down a bit harder. My hair was quickly becoming fully soaked. I passed by an occasional walker with an umbrella, and saw people rushing to their cars covering heads with soggy newspaper. These mostly dry people must have thought I was nuts. Or better. They probably mistook me for a dedicated athlete. One that could not bare the thought of missing out on a morning run. Perhaps they even believed it was a necessary part of a pre-race training regiment. Who else would be silly enough to be jogging, in an almost-down pour? I suppose if they looked closely enough they would see my lack of dedication. I was hardly prepared for such an outing. I was wearing moisture absorbing sweats after all, instead a more appropriate waterproof outfit. But let them think that.





A little over half way through the adventure, my clothes heavy and sopping, my head cold, my feet sloshing about in my sneakers, I realized that I had felt a sensation very close to crying. My cheeks wet with raindrops, my heart rate elevated, I could have been crying. I should have been crying. This was a miserable experience. One to never be repeated.





I wish I could say that I spent the rest of the day refreshed and energized from morning exercise, but instead I felt the twinge of a sore throat coming on and my eyes have burned so badly that I am starting to reminisce about a "Different Strokes" episode from decades ago, where Kimberly's hair turns green because of...acid rain. Could acid rain be burning my eyes out? Serves me right.

Performance Evaluation

So lets make believe a little. It's time for my annual performance review with my pretend boss.

KARGAS INC. Annual Employee Review

Boss: So Rachel, we have completed a 360 evaluation with your staff and coworkers. Quite frankly I am a little concerned by what we heard, particularly from your staff. Their comments were all over the place, making me question your consistency. For example one individual said "she is mean! She is always mean! She is so unfair", while the second employee appears to be completely content and enjoys simply saying you're name over and over again. I am concerned that there may be some favoritism going on.

Me: You don't understand. My staff is very immature and often fickle.

Boss: We spoke with a peer as well. He informed us that while he was generally pleased with your overall performance he felt you sometimes lacked attention to detail. He sited several instances when he had to go back and re-do work for you, like rewash dishes that have been put away dirty. His biggest concern was regarding your ability to manage the budget. He is afraid that you might not have a good grasp of basic finance and accounting skills. We are going to recommend additional training in this area.

Me: It's just that I need a bigger budget, and a new dishwasher.

Boss: The support staff is also complaining. They have informed us that you no longer seem to attend to their daily needs with as much attention as in prior years. Bowls go unfilled. Walks are significantly less frequent. You are not as "fun" anymore.

Me: I suggest we fire the support staff. I don't need them anymore. Listen isn't there any good news?

Boss: Yes. We spoke with OSHA it appears that the last major injury occurred on September 26, 2009. We have gone several months now without any serious incident. You are therefor passing all current health and safety regulations. In summary, we feel that you are performing at a satisfactory level, however we would like you take the necessary steps to get your performance to the next level. We would like you to invest time and effort into some career development. Here is your first assignment: Read "How to talk so your kids will listen, and how to listen so your kids will talk".

Until next year.....

Brothers

Sometime it really is the small things that make us the happiest. I don't know if I believe that the best things in life are free, because I am a materialistic shopaholic and proud of it, but in this case it was $12.99 puzzle purchased for Evan as a Valentines Day gift. It's just a little jungle puzzle with zebra, giraffes, elephants and the like. And actually it wasn't really the puzzle, it was the act of doing the puzzle. And it wasn't me that was doing the puzzle, or even the fact that Evan was doing the puzzle. It was Zack and Evan doing the puzzle together.

For those of you who do not know the continuing saga of the Kargas brothers, let me provide a little back history. Like most mothers I was very excited about the prospect of giving my oldest child a sibling. I anticipated that there would be a period of adjustment and that at 2.5 and accustomed to being the center of our little universe, Zachary may be a little weary about greeting his baby brother. We did everything we could think of in order to prepare our eldest for Evan's arrival. We read books "I'm a Big Brother!", we pointed out other babies "look Zack, Quinn is a big brother too!" We transitioned Zack out of the nursery and into a brand new big-boy bedroom, and my mother bought him a baby doll.

On June 12th, 2008 Zachary visited his new brother in the hospital. He arrived with a yellow rose for mommy, and he received a "present" from his new brother. He posed for a few pictures and then headed out of town with this grandparents for a few days to give mommy some time to recover from surgery and bond with the baby.

For the first six months Zack pretty much ignored our bundle of joy. Occasionally he would fetch a diaper for me or informed us that the baby was crying, more out of frustration than any actual concern for his little brother.

Then things changed, and it wasn't pretty. Words like "hate" and "stupid" were thrown around, every day for weeks I would pick Zack up from preschool and find him holding a bag of urine soaked clothing, another accident. Big brother started fantasizing about leaving Evan alone (in a rain storm) in Africa, or abandoning him on a mountain top.

All around me I saw older siblings protecting the family baby. Giving kisses and playing the role of parent to the infant. Not my kid. I didn't see a glimpse of kindness, for honestly, over a year. People kept reassuring me that it was a phase, that surely Zack would grow out of it, but I started to worry. Where had we gone wrong? Was I raising a heartless little boy?

Then, by some miracle things did start to change. It has been a slow process. Rather than saying he hated Evan, Zachary simply started telling me that he didn't love him. Rather than screaming any item Evan approached one of his toys, he started to share them. Eventually over the last two months, the boys have actually begun playing together, usually it involves Zachary shouting "Chase me!" while Evan stumbles behind his big brother giggling wildly.

And then... the puzzle. It was yesterday morning, and I was being lazy, drinking coffee, reading my email. I casually asked Zachary if he wanted to help Evan with his puzzle, so I could have a few more precious moments with my beloved Facebook. Zachary answered "Sure!" with actual enthusiasm. He sat down with Evan and started playing the role of big brother. "Evan, where does the zebra go?" he would ask in a sing-song voice handing him the zebra piece. "Great job! You did it!" he praised as Evan placed the Zebra in the correct location. Evan beamed. The praise of his older brother a well received surprise.

This went on for a good ten minutes. My heart melted. I abandoned Facebook and just watched. This, this is what I had been waiting for. This ten minutes felt better than I had even imagined. There they were . Brothers.

At what cost?

Honestly, I am not a risk taker. Clearly. To prove it, until my two babies were born I had never had a stitch in my body (knock on wood, spit three times, whatever one must to do to continue good fortune). So forgive me, but I am baffled by the Olympic "sport", luge. What is that? If it were not for the Olympics would anyone have heard of this activity? Where does luge occur outside of International competition? I grew up around snow, and yes a few of us may have gone out for some casual sledding at a near by "hill", but luge? Huh? Who thinks "hey I have a great idea! Let's go down a shear ice slope on a little sled at 85 miles an hour, with nothing to protect me but perhaps a little helmet?" And so, why are we all so terribly shocked when tragedy strikes as fate is tempted?

As the world watched, a 21 year old Nodar Kumaritashvili took his final run and headed at nearly ninety miles an hour into a steel pole to his death. The conclusion has been: the death was "user error", and not due to any fault of the track. My argument, what exactly does that mean? There is no room for human error on this death run? Are we not all human, and therefor capable of mistakes? Should we eagerly then send athletes into obviously dangerous endeavours for the sake of "sport" and entertainment? Is it worth it?

As a mother of two, I can tell you that no sport, no career no "dream" could be worth the ultimate sacrifice of my child's life, whether they are four, twenty-one or sixty. Achievement, recognition, fame, gold metals, all can add definition to life, but take it's place? I think not. I can tell you with complete confidence that I would much rather that Zachary and Evan grow up to be in middle management at the local Verizon Wireless store than die zooming down an Olympic track in pursuit of a once-in-a-lifetime gold medal.

So in case anyone was wondering I will not be signing Zack up for "beginning luge" next fall. And if we did live in an area with easy access to sledding I would probably be the mom who was strapping on helmets to her embarrassed kids before sending them down the bunny hill.