Be Afraid. The Holidays Are Coming

If I were to try I would be a Pinterest Fail too.

It's snowing. I am watching it from my kitchen window with a luke warm cup of coffee.  I would nuke my beverage since it's so much better hot, but I'm on crutches and hopping across the kitchen with a mug of hot anything is a recipe for trip to the ER. 

It's a cozy scene really. Heavy snow pulling down tree branches still partially covered in orange and brown, the last remnants of autumn. And yet as I lounge in my snug home taking in the beauty of freshly fallen snow, a cold shiver runs down my spine.

The holidays. Are coming.

Thanksgiving
Hanukkah (I don't even know when it falls this year)
Christmas
New Years.

The turkey, the stuffing, the stockings, the pine needles, the wrapping paper, running out of scotch tape, figuring out the perfect gift for my Father-In-Law, the pine needles, the shattered ornaments, do I make potato pancakes? Nobody likes potato pancakes, the dishes, the shopping, Taylor Swift singing Santa Baby over and over again, the pine needles ev-er-y-where, we aren't sending cards, I just can't do cards, should we do cards?, the pressure to bake, office secret santa (what do I get my boss that won't offend him and will make me look clever and thoughtful for under $10?), don't forget the teacher, the babysitter, the mailman, guests are coming, the house is a disaster, quick clean the house, and make it look festive! Pine needles freaking EVERYWHERE.

Ahhh. It's a magical time of the year. 

And I'm afraid. Very afraid. 

I hate being grinchy about the holidays, I really do. I want to love them. I want to think they are "magical."  I used to. Now they just stress me the hell out.  My house is never transformed into a sparkling festive winter escape. My ornaments don't match. I don't have Christmas tableware, the chaos of Legos, unmatched socks, spilled Cheerios and PBJ fingerprints don't magically disappear to make way for our enchanted pine tree of lights. Time for cookie baking, shopping and memory-making doesn't just suddenly manifest. I still have to make tacos, pack the damn lunches, keep up with the laundry and police the insanity that is my family, only now I have to do it while pulling off a *beautiful* feast for 14, and holiday shopping for 47 (or something like that.)

I'm stressed out.  And the Simplify The Holiday's Board on Pinterest with the following ideas, were no help at all:


• Use what you have! Create decorations and gifts from things you happen to have lying around the house, like an old rake and buttons that with a glue gun can be turned into a wall hanging of a Christmas tree, or scrabble tiles used to somehow create (unattractive) coasters.... of course, my father-in-law would love that!
• Instead of shopping, give people the gift of time! Create coupons for free house cleanings, babysitting or meal preparation.  Because that is exactly what I have as a working mom of three kids, time to clean your house! Brilliant!
• Shop for second hand gifts. Nothing screams time saver like sorting through a bunch of worthless crap at Goodwill!
• Use all of the zucchini you grew in your garden last summer to make loaves of bread as gifts for neighbors, teachers, housekeeper and friends.  So many problems with this one. So many. A) my garden this year produced exactly two cucumbers and half a dozen cherry tomatoes. B) My neighbors, and most friends aren't getting squat from the Kargas family (don't they have their own families to shop for?),  most housekeepers are expecting one thing at Christmas: a check. Zucchini bread ain't going to cut it. C) Baking is a pain in the ass.
• Decorate with nature: Like what? Oh! Hand painted pinecones! Duh! I'll do that while the Zucchini bread bakes!

I did learn one thing about simplifying the holidays, stay off Pinterest.

Well the madness is just around the corner. I'm going to prepare by taking a nap.