So it's Christmas Eve. Sun is shining for the first time in days. I went for a jog with my Santa hat on, blasting Eminem all the way. Sad little middle-aged mama.
Tonight we are having family friends over for an appetizer dinner and drinks. I'll wrap the last of the presents after the boys are in bed and prepare for all the mayhem tomorrow at day break.
Christmas. Thirty minutes of slashing open gift after gift, then it's over, until next year.
It's a funny thing Christmas. I used to feel it was truly magical. This year it felt a bit like a chore. I know. Sad isn't it? There were few holiday parties to attend and I have felt lonely for my Denver home. For the neighborhood Christmas party we always hosted. For Christmas morning with the cousins. For snow. Yes even for snow.
Last year we had a full house. My in laws, my mother and stepfather, my brother-in-law, his wife and family. This year things are different. My brother-in-law is at home in Albuquerque, celebrating his first Christmas without his wife, whom I had adored, they are getting divorced. There is a sadness that creeps into Christmas as I remember happier holidays.
I have other friends who are going through sickness, loss and divorce this holidays season.. And the tragedy of Newtown, has made us all feel a bit uneasy about a full-on celebration.
If I am to be honest in some ways I feel a little.....blue. But in others all of this misfortune and unhappiness has made me even more grateful for all that I have. It has reminded me that we must seize the opportunity to experience joy, as life is fickle, and your luck can change on the drop of a dime. Grim perhaps, but also a push to appreciate my gifts.
My in laws.
My nieces and nephews
My friends, far and near
My beautiful life.