Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Where Did The Baby Go?

When I was a little girl I was a big fan of the Golden Books. Those are the hard cover children's books with the shiny gold binding. Sadly, I can now find many of my favorite titles in a dusty bin at a neighborhood antique store. One of my favorites was "Where Did The Baby Go?" This book features an adorable little girl who stumbles upon photographs of a baby who appears to inhabit her home. The girl sets off on a mission to find the missing baby. She checks in closets and under furniture until the mystery is solved when she discovers the baby in the pictures is really her, years earlier. I used to be delighted that like the main character, I too was once a tiny baby, and I liked nothing more than to pour over my own baby photos, admiring myself in my cute little outfits.

The story of course has new meaning to the mommy-me. Now I look at my own child and think "Where did the baby go?" Where did the helpless newborn who liked to sleep on my chest run off to? What about the little one who stood up in his crib, arms outstretched reaching for me every morning? And what happened to the silly toddler who clutched a maraca in his chubby hands in music class, making me feel so proud? (He's a musical genius!). Who is this skinny, inquisitve energizer bunny who took his place?

Don't get me wrong, of course I love my child. But there is a part of me screaming IM NOT READY to be the mom of a four year old. It is one thing to be a young mommy of babies, and an entirley different thing to be come a MOTHER to CHILDREN. The time has gone so fast. I know it has been a period of years, but in some ways it feels like it happened in the blink of an eye. In one moment I was holding a squishy little baby on my hip, and the next he is hiking up a "mountain" on a family outing. At this rate he will be an akward teenager with acne and wet dreams in no time. I will become the parent who annoys my child and enjoys such attrocities as museums, botanical gardens and quiet nights at home.

Perhaps this is why some women keep having babies. As a way to keep themselves from becoming that mom. To stay young, to stay in the baby culture. In anycase, I am going to watch Evan like a hawk to make sure he doesn't get away so fast....

1 comment:

  1. Ah, you visited baby Kristoff! Rachel, I still think "where did the baby go"! Once a mom, that feeling lasts forever. (Of course, as you get older, you look in the mirror and wonder how your mother got there!).