Wednesday, December 31, 2014

People I Want To Punch In The Face: Winter

Welcome to my latest "People I Want To Punch In The Face" post.  This week's target? That son-of-a-bitch Winter.  But since winter is not a person, I came up with the following list of humans I want to punch in the face due to this brutal winter.

1) Anyone, and I mean anyone who utters the following words: "Your from Wisconsin. You should be used to sub zero temperatures."  Really? I should get used to snot freezing on the inside of my nose? I should get used to my fingers and toes feeling as if they are being stabbed relentlessly with pins and needles? Let me ask you this, do you think anyone could get used to having a fork poked in their eye repeatedly? No? Then No. No. I am not "used" to freezing my tush off.

2) People who insist on keeping their house below 67 degrees. That is great that you are saving energy! I understand you run "hot." But my lips are turning blue and I want to leave.

3) My children who bitch and moan about wearing proper winter attire. The sweaters are too itchy, the socks are too tight, the gloves always fall off and yes, yes, I understand that you think shorts are so much more comfortable than jeans. But it's negative eleven out there and social services is going to have my ass picked up if I let you outside in flip flops and a t-shirt, and mommy is too pretty for jail!

4) Anyone who says that the cold temperatures are "refreshing" or "not that bad." Okay refreshing is a glass of lemonade on a hot summers day, refreshing is not losing feeling in your fingers and toes.  As for not that bad?  Maybe it's not as bad as being mauled by a rabid grizzly bear, but it's pretty freaking bad.

And finally.....

5) People who seem to be "above" shoveling their sidewalks. Perhaps they think the shoveling fairy is going to come out and do it for them. Perhaps they assume people prefer walking over snow and ice when passing by their home. Or maybe they believe that slipping and falling and breaking a tailbone is no big deal and that everyone should quit whining.  Or MAYBE just MAYBE, they are lazy bastards who more than likely keep their house at 64 degrees and don't even deserve a sidewalk!
Shoveled, Shoveled, Lazy Bastard! 


  1. I totally agree with #5, non-shovelers are rude. It is just not neighborly not to shovel. I had an infant last winter who is now a toddler, and no childcare, and I work full time from home, and somehow I always manage to shovel. I am not trying to toot my own horn, just saying that being busy is not an excuse. :)

  2. Hope you are staying warm today! Happy New Year!!