My husband's sexy job marketing cat litter and water filters is finally paying off for me. Yes me. You may not believe it but my spouse has had some pretty remarkable experiences with his gig. Somehow filtered water has lead him backstage with Dave Matthews and Jason Mraz. He is wined and dined by PR agencies and vendors and given prime seats at sporting events, all while I hold down the fort. But not this time. Nope.This time I'm tagging along for the ride. Sundance baby. That's right. Don't ask me what my husband will be doing at Sundance, let's talk about what I will be doing.
Hanging out with celebrities. Jennifer Aniston, George Clooney, A-listers. I have it all planned out.While my husband is out slaving away on the job, and my children are at home in the care of Nana & Grandpa David, I'll be hanging out at an upscale coffee shop drinking a $25 low-fat, no-whip mocha. Miss. Aniston will walk in, trip and spill the contents of her Prada handbag and I will casually reach down to help her collect her things. She will grumble to her bodyguard that she is going to loose it if the paparazzi take one more photo of her. I'll chuckle and tell her that my kids think I am the paparazzi with all of the pictures I take of them. She will tell me how she wants kids too. We will start a conversation about fertility and prenatal vitamins. She will grab the seat next to me and her bodyguard will buy us two more coffees. Gradually she will confide to me that Brad was a terrible lover and that she thinks Angie has spider arms. I'll agree about the arms.We will talk for hours, while the photographers of Us Weekly and People snap pictures, which will later be seen splashed in the tabloids. "Jen & Her New BFF! Inseparable at Sundance!" Jenny, as I will by then be calling her will remember that she has hair and make up to get to, since she needs to be at a VIP screening of some art-house flick. She will invite me along, then take me shopping to buy me something appropriate to wear on the red carpet.
Later that evening after I have texted my husband that I'll be jetting off to Jenny's beach house in Bali on Tuesday, I'll be introduced to George Clooney while at the VIP party with my new bestie. George will forget all about the 6 foot tall Brazilian barbie doll on his arm as soon as he sees me and will breathlessly tell me that it is so refreshing to see a real woman without any work done. He will take me to a five star dinner where he will tell me he thinks I would be perfect for Ocean's 15 or whatever the hell number they are on. We will exchange numbers as he assures me that he will be putting me in touch with his agent. That evening we will share one passionate kiss under the stars before we part ways, but only after he informs his stylist to hook me up with whatever I want.
Mid January. Me. Jenny. George. Sundance. I'll be giving autographs.