Okay. No brainer. I am not a woman with particularly high self-esteem. Ask anyone who has ever spent any real time with me and they will readily agree.
I don't know why that is. I have always been that this way. Over the course of my life I have had a difficult time acknowledging my strengths, and instead I have spent an exorbitant amount of energy studying my flaws. It has come to my attention that not everyone lives their lives this way (shocker!) My husband for example has fantastic self esteem and can shake off imperfections with grace. I, on the other hand, dwell. And dwell. And dwell on the negative. Whether it's a physical imperfection, my poor organizational skills, my sad sense of direction or inability to do simple multiplication, I am more than aware of my shortcomings and I give them great weight in defining who I am. I take every perceived slight to heart, every failure more important than success.
I suck at math.
My house is a disaster because I am disorganized and scatter brained.
I'm weak, unable to build muscle.
I made a mistake, I am terrible at my job.
People don't comment on my blog because it's boring and I'm an awful writer.
You get the idea.
And I wonder. I wonder what my life would be like if I were to focus on my strengths, if I celebrated the wins and spent as much time thinking about the feel-good stuff as I do the feel-crappy stuff. Because guys, it isn't as if I am without any redeeming qualities.
I do good stuff. Seriously I do. I swear, I once wrote a funny blog post. And seriously I just filled a senior level position, I'm a pretty okay recruiter! So what if I celebrated my wins? Studied my strengths? Could I transform myself from a woman with poor self esteem, to one with confidence? Is it possible?
In a concentrated effort I will now publicly acknowledge some recent "wins." Celebrate my accomplishments that would otherwise go unrecognized, sing my own damn praises.
Let me begin.....
1. I successfully helped my five year old create a Leprechaun Trap for his Kindergarten class with essentially zero materials.
2. I have survived many a night as a single mama to three insane crazy boys. Nobody has died. Nobody has ran away. Nobody has overdosed on chocolate milk or Miralax.
3. Night after night I prepare healthy meals for my children, even when I am met with sneers and jeers: "You are the worst mom in the world! This is disgusting."
4. Everyone in my family generally has at least one clean pair of underwear and socks at any given time. That takes some organizational skills, right?
5. I make sure that every year each of my children has a kick-ass birthday party. That doesn't mean Pintrest-worthy, but kick-ass, little boy fun. That has to be worth something right?
6. I may not be super strong but through some damn hard work I have reduced my body fat percentage from 27% to 21%.
7. I have managed to sit through hundreds of hideously boring animated movies because my boys love it.
8. I have successful kicked my Real Housewives addiction without joining a formal program
9. I have mastered the art of Rice Krispie Bar making... at least according to the little folks in the family
10. I have created a life where I am surrounded by amazing people whom I love, and whom I'm quite sure love me back.
So a silly exercise yes, but hopefully I have made my point... to myself at the very least.
It's easy to see the bad stuff.
It's easy to dwell on the flaws.
But the good deserves attention too.
I have plenty of good when I look for it.
And once I see the good, perhaps the rest of the universe will to.
Cheers to me.
Cheers to what I do right.
I'll drink to that.