The husband and I are headed out for the first extended (by extended I mean six days) vacation in years. We are going to Belize for a friend's wedding and I simply cannot wait. In discussing what I was packing, I informed my husband that I was bringing three swimsuits. Three one-piece swimsuits. His response was first Three? What do you need three for? I'm bringing one. Okay babe, clearly you do not understand the female species. Three swimsuits for five days on the beach is MODEST. Heck, if you watch the Real Housewives you would know that many women would be bringing ten plus! But I don't have Real Housewive cash, so I can't afford that many suits, thus I have three.
His second reaction was of disappointment. All one-pieces? He asked, frowning. YES. I answered. All one-piece suits. Each one. Why? He asked. My answer? BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THREE C-SECTIONS and even though I have been working out like mad, my abs are not bikini worthy. He kindly disagreed, but I think that is because he is blinded by love. It doesn't matter, I am more comfortable in a one-piece which makes me much, much happier, and in my humble opinion a more attractive woman. I posted the conversation on Facebook, to mixed response. Some women agreed with me, and others told me that one piece swimsuits are for old ladies, and I should at least consider a tankini.
Sorry. No tankini. I think they are far frumpier than a good one piece. Kudos to all of you long lean women who can pull off the bikini. Hurray for you. There was a time in my life where I could too. But I'm 38 have had three children and look pretty damn good for all the wear and tear, just not bikini-good. And I'm fine with that. So gosh darn it, you should be fine with it too!
I told my friend Katheryn that I would prove to her that the one piece can be "hot" so I am (shockingly) posting pictures of each of my suits to prove her WRONG. What I have learned from this experience is that a) I do not have a future career as a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and b) I am really, really white.
Top ten reasons I can't wait to go on vacation
Rum at 2:00 in the afternoon, pool side.
A clean hotel room, with housekeeping everyday
Eating at restaurants that don't have a kid's menu, crayons or chocolate milk
Getting up at 10 am, lunch at 2pm , Nap at 4pm, dinner at 8pm, bed at 12am.
(Most likely) not having anyone tell me that they hate me for a good six days.
Giving my brain a rest from determining who should get the purple marker, the red hot-wheel or the yellow bowl.
Cold beer on the beach.
Being at the ocean without having to console someone over a crushed sandcastle, split juice or the DREADED sunscreen application.
SIX BLISSFUL DAYS of sleeping in the sun, pina coladas, proving that the one-piece swimming suit has made a sexy comeback , the husband and NO RESPONSIBILITY!